The Third Party

Life Support; Does This Belong in Your Surrogacy Contract?

2012-01-30T08:00:00.000-08:00

If you are wondering what Life Support (Life support - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) has to do with surrogacy, you are not the first. I personally had never even thought of Life Support when volunteering to become a surrogate mother. Why would I, or anyone for that matter, even be thinking about such a dismal ending...when Life Support would be needed. Well...Intended Parents are thinking about it. (especially after investing well over $80,000+/-) The Attorney's are talking about it. All hospitals highly recommend that any patient that walks (or is wheeled) through their doors has a Living Will (Advance health care directive - Wikipedia,) Why? Because you, the carrier, could become brain dead through an accident while pregnant with someone else's baby and the decision to keep your body alive will be raised. (and argued, and debated, and discussed....)
A scenario needling Life Support might look like this: Suzy Surrogate is 7 months pregnant and is involved in a car accident. Although the baby seems unharmed Suzy is unresponsive and is put on Life Support. Suzy's family is torn and despondent. The Intended Parents are focused on their unborn child.... what should be done? Needless to say that if this long shot of a situation were brought up during the contract negations, when everyone was not in crisis mode, this horrifying nightmare might have some clear cut guidelines to follow (as stated in the contract). What the IP's wishes were, what time frame the surrogate would be on life support, who would pay for that same support if the insurance company/ hospital did not agree, what role would the surrogate's family play etc.
I have heard some complain that contracts are getting too long however it is best to make sure as many scenarios are covered as possible and that these hard conversations take place when everyone is calm, cool and collected and can make rational decisions in the best interested of everyone involved including the unborn baby.

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Surrogates: Do your homework!

2012-01-20T08:00:00.000-08:00

Wouldn't it be great to have a crystal ball and know what your future holds for you and your new potential Intended Parents? Doesn't it all start out like a romance movie? Maybe you hook up with a "dating service" or go on the Internet. You read profiles and letters and finally pick a likely candidate. You might exchange e-mails or talk on the phone. You hear stories of hopes, dreams, complications and confusion. You share your values and lifestyle. And then perhaps a date...lunch? Dinner? ahhhh the glow, the euphoria of finding the "right" match. And then drip drip drop it starts to rain on the parade...just a drizzle at first. Nothing to stop the momentum, you can still see a slice of blue sky, but you get out the umbrella anyway. Perhaps this happens during contract negations. The IP's who were once so grateful for finding you want you to lower your "fee". (by 35% and Hevens! NO! they do not want to use an escrow agent!!) They want you to promise not to work during the pregnancy but they don't want to pay lost wages either. They want you to use your insurance at the infertility clinic so that they don't have to pay for the medications. (Thankfully most clinics won't do this any longer.) They want you to go to California or Illinois for the transfer but don't want to pay child care for YOUR KIDS while you are gone. Hummmmmm If this pattern is starting now, during the contract phase, what's to say that it will be any different when you are pregnant? Maybe its time to rethink this match.
I know of many women who just WANT to be surrogates SO BADLY they are willing to overlook a multitude of red flags. You can say no. You can back that train up and get OFF. Before you commit to medical testing (where the IP's start to spend money on the relationship they are building with you), PLEASE make it clear what YOUR expectations are. If you have an agency, PLEASE have a conversation with them on where you stand on your base fees, benefits, selective reduction, abortion and everything that is near and dear to your heart. PLEASE do your home work! Infertility Answers, LLC - What are the Common Contract Issues?

Sharon
http://www.infertilityanswers.net/

Check Out Carla Lewis-Long’s Newest Book! WHY I’M SO SPECIAL: A BOOK ABOUT SURROGACY WITH TWO DADDIES

2012-01-10T08:00:00.000-08:00

Carla Lewis-Long’s first book, WHY I’M SO SPECIAL: A BOOK ABOUT SURROGACY rated a 5 star review by surrogacy expert, Sharon LaMothe on Amazon.com. A good accomplishment, but Carla didn’t feel as the full story was told. According to U.S. Census, there's a growing number of same-sex parents in America today: between 1.5 million and 5 million, in 1976, that number was estimated to be 300,000 to 500,000. And a recent report by CNN, stated that children with same-sex parents should be prepared for questions from strangers and classmates. "After writing my first children's book on surrogacy, I realized that the majority of people that use surrogates are same sex couples and I wanted them to also have a book to read to their children about their journey.” So on December 19, Carla releases the second volume, WHY I’M SO SPECIAL: A BOOK ABOUT SURROGACY WITH TWO DADDIES (AuthorHouse ISBN:9781468500073), and introduces 9 year old, Tyler Simone Newman, who illustrates the book.

Surrogacy for two dad households have been bolstered by the recent news of celebrities such as Neil Patrick Harris having twins Harper Grace and Gideon Scott in October 2010, Ricky Martin having twins Valentino and Matteo in 2008, and Elton John getting the best Christmas gift of all, Zachary Jackson Levon one year ago.

According to the advocacy group, Resolve, 7.3 million people in the U.S. are affected by infertility. Carla Lewis-Long’s fertility issues led her to Creative Family Connections, which helped find a wonderful surrogate to carry her baby. Her first book, Why I’m So Special: A Book About Surrogacy is a story for all parents who used a surrogate to share with their young children, to let them know just how special they are. The second installment focuses on the two dad household and how that journey may be explained to the children.

Besides being a loving mom to Makana Elliott Long, Carla Lewis-Long is VP, Distribution for nuvoTV. She has spent 17 years in television, working at networks such as AmericanLife TV, Oxygen, and USA Network. CableFax Magazine named her as one of the "Most Influential Minorities In Cable."

For more information, visit http://carlalewislong.com

Follow on http://twitter.com/surrogacystory

Like on http://facebook.com/abookaboutsurrogacy

Carla Lewis-Long's fertility issues led her to Creative Family Connections, which found a surrogate to carry her baby. Her WHY I'M SO SPECIAL children's books are for all parents who used a surrogate, so that they can share with their young children.

What You Need to Know Before You Become a Gestational Surrogate By Rachel Gurevich, About.com Guide

2011-12-28T09:00:00.000-08:00

Why Do Women Decide to Be Surrogates

Women who decide to become surrogates often say they love being pregnant and experiencing the miracle of birth, but they are finished having their own children. They also genuinely want to help a couple have a child.

Some women become a surrogate because a friend or family member asked them, but even surrogates who are friends or family should be positive about pregnancy and childbirth. There should be no pressure to agree to a surrogacy arrangement.

While surrogates are paid for their time, it's rare to find a surrogate who is only in this for the money. Due to psychological screening, women who are thinking primarily about compensation are likely to be turned down early in the process.

The surrogate fee of $20,000 to $35,000 may sound like a lot. But when you take into consideration the time and effort involved and the nine-month, 24-hour dedication to the pregnancy, a woman would make more per hour working at a fast food restaurant than by being a surrogate. Surrogacy is not a get-rich-quick scheme; it's a compassionate way to help bring life into this world and build a family that could not be without your help.

What Is the Difference Between a Traditional Surrogate and a Gestational Surrogate?

If you are a traditional surrogate, you will be genetically related to the baby, because your eggs are used. You are both an egg donor and surrogate, in this case. The sperm may be donor sperm or may come from one of the intended parents. The sperm is transferred to your uterus via insemination, usually intrauterine insemination, or IUI.

In gestational surrogacy, also known as IVF surrogacy, you will not be genetically related to the baby. The intended mother may be the genetic parent or an egg donor or embryo donor will be used.

Because of legal and emotional complications that can arise during traditional surrogacy, gestational surrogacy is the preferred option.

Who Will You Help as a Surrogate

Surrogacy can help a couple have a child who cannot otherwise carry a pregnancy or give birth.

For some, this is due to uterine complications, including untreatable uterine adhesions, abnormal uterine shape or a complete absence of the uterus, either due to prior hysterectomy or a congenital defect known as müllerian agenesis.

Some women may have experienced repeated miscarriages or repeated failure of IVF embryo implantation.

Another reason a couple may need a surrogate is because the intended mother has a medical condition that makes pregnancy life threatening to her or her baby. This may include severe heart disease, severe kidney disease, history of breast cancer, severe diabetes, lupus, cystic fibrous or a history of severe pre-eclampsia with HELLP syndrome.

Surrogacy may also be used to help a male gay couple have a child.

•Becoming a Parent with Surrogacy

Qualifications to Become a Surrogate

Some surrogacy qualifications will be specific to the fertility clinic the intended parents are working with, so these should only be considered general guidelines. Surrogates must:

•Already have children and, ideally, be currently raising them. Also, ideally, a surrogate should be finished having children of her own.

•Already have experienced complication-free pregnancy and childbirth.

•Be generally healthy (no sexually transmitted disease or serious health complications that could threaten the health of you or the baby you'll carry).

•Be at a healthy weight.

•Not have given up a child for adoption in the past.

•Have health insurance that covers maternity and childbirth and does not have a surrogacy exclusion clause. State or federal insurance, like Medicare, is an absolute no-no for surrogacy.

•Have life insurance, should any rare, life-threatening complications occur.

•Have a stable income that will not be threatened if bed rest or pregnancy issues prevent working.

•Be older than 21 but younger than 35. (Age guidelines will vary from clinic to clinic.)

•Not have a history of drug abuse or alcoholism.

•Have the support of a husband or partner. The surrogate's partner may also need to agree to be tested for a sexually transmitted disease.

•Live in a surrogacy-friendly state (or country.)

•Be able to get to and from doctor appointments (for the fertility clinic monitoring and embryo transfer) and then later for prenatal appointments.

•Have a flexible schedule with reliable childcare, especially for the insemination or embryo transfer elements of surrogacy.

•Be open to fertility screening, general medical screening, psychological screening, intense time commitment (especially during the IVF process), and willing to take hormonal medications (including injections or suppositories) to help start or support the pregnancy.

•Be willing to maintain open communication between herself, her doctors and the intended parents or an agreed-upon mediator. She must also be willing to attend counseling, either individually or with the intended parents, should a communication problem arise.

•Understand that bed rest (especially if multiples are likely) may be involved.

•Be willing to abstain from sexual intercourse with her partner until pregnancy is established, and be open to genetic testing of the baby during or after pregnancy.

•Understand that pregnancy is not guaranteed to occur.

This should not be considered a complete list, but it should give you an idea of how involved surrogacy is.

Can I Receive Payment for Providing Surrogacy Services?

In America, most surrogacy arrangements are commercial surrogacy, meaning the surrogate receives payment for her services. Compensation varies, but is generally between $20,000 and $35,000.

There are states and countries where commercial surrogacy is illegal and the surrogate can only receive compensation for expenses. What expenses are included will depend on the surrogate's specific situation. It's best to speak to a lawyer to learn what this may include.

When a friend or family member agrees to be a surrogate, compensation is usually not involved. The intended parents, and not the fertility clinic, pay the surrogate for her services. So if a friend or family member expects payment, it's important they understand the intended parents are the ones who will pay.

Payment is usually given in installments, agreed upon before a surrogacy contract is signed. (It should be outlined in the contract.) The total fee is deposited in an escrow account before surrogacy begins. Usually, once a heartbeat is detected, confirming pregnancy, the first payment is given. The rest of the fee is given in installments, as the pregnancy progresses.

Is Surrogacy Legal?

Surrogacy is legal in many states in the United States and in many countries. There are, however, some states and some countries where surrogacy is illegal. There are also places where surrogacy isn't necessarily illegal, but the contracts are not recognized in court, which can lead to serious problems should something go wrong.

In some places, only commercial surrogacy is illegal, but surrogacy that does not involve compensation for the surrogacy itself is acceptable.

Due to the complex nature of surrogacy, it's important you speak to a lawyer before agreeing to any surrogacy arrangement. There are couples and surrogates who hope to arrange things privately, without the help of lawyers or an agency, in an effort to save money. This can lead to disastrous results.

For the couple's and surrogate's best interests, using a reputable agency (when using an unknown surrogate) and experienced lawyers (one lawyer for the couple and one for the surrogate) is the best course of action. Speak to your local RESOLVE, American Fertility Association, or fertility clinic for guidance.

Sources:
Brinsden, Peter R. "Gestational surrogacy." Human Reproduction Update, Vol.9, No.5 pp. 483±491, 2003 http://humupd.oxfordjournals.org/content/9/5/483.full.pdf

Brisman, Melissa B. What to Consider when Considering Gestational Surrogacy. The InterNational Council on Infertility Information Dissemination. Accessed August 29, 2011. http://www.inciid.org/article.php?cat=thirdparty&id=786

Sharon LaMothe. http://lamothesurrogacyconsulting.com/ Email Correspondence/Interview. August 16 and 17, 2011.
Surrogacy. Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority. Accessed August 29, 2011. http://www.hfea.gov.uk/fertility-treatment-options-surrogacy.html

Third Party Reproduction (Sperm, egg, and embryo donation and surrogacy). American Society of Reproductive Medicine. Accessed August 29, 2011. http://www.asrm.org/uploadedFiles/ASRM_Content/Resources/Patient_Resources/Fact_Sheets_and_Info_Booklets/thirdparty.pdf

Surrogacy Programs (#17). Questions to Ask Series. RESOLVE. Accessed August 29, 2011. http://familybuilding.resolve.org/site/DocServer/Surrogacy_Programs.pdf?docID=544

Seasons Greetings from LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting and LaMothe Services, LLC

2011-12-22T07:00:00.000-08:00

Surrogate By Rachel Gurevich, About.com Guide

2011-12-19T09:00:00.000-08:00

Surrogate Definition:

Surrogate is a general term that refers to a woman who carries a pregnancy for another person. The commissioning person or couple who is trying to have a baby with a surrogate's help is known as the intended parent or parents. While the surrogate carries the pregnancy and gives birth, the intended parents raise the child and are listed on the birth certificate as the actual parents.

Here are more specific terms to address different surrogacy situations.

Traditional Surrogate Definition

A traditional surrogate is someone who is genetically related to the child she is carrying. Usually, a male intended parent provides a semen sample, which is cleaned and prepared by a fertility clinic, who then does an insemination procedure. In other cases, a sperm donor is used.

The insemination may be via IUI or another form of artificial insemination.

A traditional surrogate may also be called a partial surrogate, traditional surrogate mother, natural surrogate or just surrogate. The procedure is also sometimes known as straight surrogacy.

Due to legal complications (with the surrogate being both genetically related to the child and giving birth to the child), traditional surrogacy is not used or recommended as often as gestational surrogacy.

Gestational Surrogate Definition

A gestational surrogate (or gestational carrier) is not genetically related to the child she carries. Gestational surrogacy is also called IVF surrogacy, host surrogacy or full surrogacy.

In gestational surrogacy, the egg and sperm are usually taken from the intended parents, as in an IVF procedure, and any resulting embryo is transferred to the gestational surrogate. Other possibilities include the use of an egg donor with an intended male parent's sperm, an egg donor with a sperm donor or an embryo donation.

In some states and countries, a surrogacy arrangement can only take place if the baby is genetically related to at least one of the intended parents. In other places, this is not a problem.

Commercial Surrogate Definition

The term commercial surrogacy refers to an arrangement where the surrogate receives financial compensation above and beyond expenses. This is a legal arrangement in some states and countries.
In some places, commercial surrogacy is illegal. The intended parents may pay for medical costs, legal costs, lost work or other "reasonable expenses," but they cannot pay the surrogate purely for her role as a surrogate.

There are also places where any form of surrogacy is illegal, and contracts declaring the intended parents as the true parents are not recognized, valid or enforceable.

Surrogacy contracts may not be enforceable even in states or countries where surrogacy is technically legal, while other states and countries do enforce surrogacy contracts.

Due to the complexity of surrogacy arrangements, getting legal advice and consulting with an experienced psychologist about surrogacy is very important. Also, doing as much up-front research on surrogacy and other family-building options is essential to avoid potential problems or costly (emotional or financial) mistakes.

Sources:

Brinsden, Peter R. "Gestational surrogacy." Human Reproduction Update, Vol.9, No.5 pp. 483±491, 2003 http://humupd.oxfordjournals.org/content/9/5/483.full.pdf

Brisman, Melissa B. What to Consider when Considering Gestational Surrogacy. The InterNational Council on Infertility Information Dissemination. Accessed August 29, 2011. http://www.inciid.org/article.php?cat=thirdparty&id=786

Sharon LaMothe. http://lamothesurrogacyconsulting.com/
Email Correspondence/Interview. August 16 and 17, 2011.

Surrogacy. Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority. Accessed August 29, 2011. http://www.hfea.gov.uk/fertility-treatment-options-surrogacy.html

Third Party Reproduction (Sperm, egg, and embryo donation and surrogacy). American Society of Reproductive Medicine. Accessed August 29, 2011. http://www.asrm.org/uploadedFiles/ASRM_Content/Resources/Patient_Resources/Fact_Sheets_and_Info_Booklets/thirdparty.pdf

All About Surrogacy: Becoming Parents Through Surrogacy By Rachel Gurevich, About.com Guide

2011-12-12T08:00:00.000-08:00

What Is Surrogacy?
Surrogacy may be used to help build a family when a woman cannot carry a pregnancy herself. A surrogate carries a pregnancy with the original intention of giving the baby to the parent or parents who commissioned the surrogate. Ideally, the intended parents will be listed on the birth certificate.
There are two main kinds of surrogacy, traditional surrogacy and gestational surrogacy. In traditional surrogacy, the surrogate's own eggs are used. In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate is not genetically related to the baby.

In gestational surrogacy, the intended parents may be the genetic parents of the baby, or an egg donor or sperm donor may be used in combination with one of the intended parent's gametes. Another possibility is an egg donor and sperm donor will be chosen by the intended parents, or embryo donation may be used.

Due to legal complications that can occur with traditional surrogacy, gestational surrogacy is the preferred method of surrogacy. The rest of this article will focus mainly on gestational surrogacy.

When Is Surrogacy Used?

Surrogacy is usually used when a woman can not medically carry a pregnancy herself. Reasons may include:

No uterus, due to a congenital defect known as müllerian agenesis

Prior hysterectomy

Uterine malformations that prevent embryo implantation or cause repeated miscarriage

Untreatable Asherman's syndrome, or uterine adhesions

Unexplained repeated miscarriages, not resolved by other treatment

Repeated embryo implantation failures during IVF treatment

Medical conditions that would make pregnancy life threatening to the mother or baby, including severe heart disease, lupus, history of breast cancer, severe kidney disease, cystic fibrous, severe diabetes, or a history of severe pre-eclampsia with HELLP syndrome

Surrogacy may also be used to help a gay male couple become parents.

There is a myth that surrogacy is often used by women trying to protect themselves from the physical burdens and aftereffects of pregnancy. This is not true. Surrogacy involves intense financial and emotional investment, and it is not something used to avoid a few stretch marks.

How Do You Find and Choose a Surrogate

Surrogates may be someone you know, like a friend or family member, or a stranger, usually found through an agency.

There are advantages and disadvantages of using someone you know for a surrogacy arrangement. One possible advantage is the surrogate can easily maintain an ongoing relationship with the child, if that is important to you as the parent. One potential disadvantage is arguments regarding parental decisions may arise, especially if future roles are not completely understood, agreed to, or kept.

If you decide to use an agency to find a gestational surrogate, you should speak to your fertility clinic or local RESOLVE support group contact. They should be able to recommend agencies they have had positive experiences with in the past.

It's essential that you get references for any agency you consider, do loads of research, and feel comfortable with your decision before moving forward. If anything feels not right, listen to your gut, even if you received positive reviews of an agency from others. Surrogacy is complicated, full of legal and emotional challenges. It's important that every member of your family building team is right for you and is the best available for your situation.

Some people consider "going independent" -- that is, looking for a surrogate (that is not known to you) without the help of an agency. While finding a surrogate independently may be less expensive, you're better off going through an agency for such a complex arrangement. It will be less stressful for you and the surrogate.

Something else to keep in mind, seeking a surrogate without the help of an agency is not a legal option in some countries.

Becoming a Surrogate

What Is the Surrogacy Process?

As mentioned above, in gestational surrogacy, there are four potential options for conception of the child:

Using egg and sperm from the intended parents. In this situation, both intended parents would be genetically related to the child.

Using either egg or sperm from one intended parent, in combination with donor egg or sperm. In this situation, one intended parent would be genetically connected to the baby.

Using both donor egg and donor sperm. In this situation, the intended parents would not be genetically related to the child. (This can lead to legal complications in some places.)

Using donor embryo. This also would not lead to genetic relation to the baby, which can create legal issues in some places.

To somewhat simplify what is already a complicated process, this explanation will assume the intended parents are providing the egg and sperm for conception.

First, the intended parents will have decided with the help of their doctor that surrogacy is a possible option for them to have a child, and that the intended mother and father have eggs and sperm healthy enough to conceive a child. The intended parents will need to have a psychological screening or evaluation, to help them fully understand the risks and possible complications of an IVF surrogacy, as well as help them think through and understand other options, including adoption or pursuing a childfree life. This may occur before or after the intended parents find an agency.

Then, the intended parents will need to find a surrogacy agency that fits their needs. Getting referrals from their fertility doctor or clinic, their local RESOLVE chapter, or the psychologist who counseled them are possibilities to consider. Before choosing an agency, the intended parents should get references, speak with former clients of the agency (both surrogates and parents), research the agency, and have a meeting with an agency representative.

Once an agency is chosen, and a fee schedule for the agency is discussed and agreed upon, the intended parents will be shown surrogacy profiles that they agency feels may fit them best. When a surrogate is found that feels right for the parents, the surrogate may "meet" the parents via phone conference. If that goes well, an in-person meeting may take place next. (This is not always required, but highly suggested, even if travel is necessary.)

If the intended parents and surrogate feel they are a match, then the surrogate will go through medical and psychological screening (this may be repeated even if a previous screening had occurred). If she passes the screening, then the intended parents and surrogate will negotiate a contract, with the help of experienced surrogacy lawyers. The agency may suggest a lawyer, or you may choose one yourself.

Most important, it's not a good idea for you and the surrogate to share one lawyer. It may seem to save money, but it's not worth the risk that your (or your surrogate's) best interests are not fully represented.

Once contracts are signed, fees are negotiated (part of the contract process), and all surrogacy payments have been put in an escrow account, you'll give all this information and paper work to your fertility clinic. Now, the surrogacy procedure itself can begin.

The gestational surrogate and the intended mother will have their cycles put in sync with birth control pills and then hormonal injections. Once the treatment cycle begins, the intended mother will go through the beginnings of IVF treatment, which involves injections to stimulate the ovaries and monitoring through ultrasound and blood work.

IVF Treatment Step by Step

In the meantime, the surrogate will take hormones to help prepare her uterus for embryo transfer.

On the day of the egg retrieval, the intended father will provide a semen sample to the clinic. The retrieved eggs will be combined with the sperm of the intended father. Any resulting embryos will be watched for a few days, to determine their viability.

Then, three to five days after the retrieval, a carefully chosen number of embryos will be transferred to the surrogate's uterus. She may need to take hormonal supplements in the form of injections or suppositories to help support the pregnancy.

If the cycle is successful, once a heartbeat has been detected, the surrogate will be cared for by her regular OB/GYN. There may be communication between the intended parents and surrogate, either directly or through a mediator, throughout the pregnancy. The level and kind of communication should have been agreed to before the surrogacy arrangement, so the parents do not feel left out and the surrogate does not feel micro-managed or overwhelmed.

As the time of birth arrives, the surrogate may need to relocate temporarily to another state or country, where surrogacy arrangements are legally recognized. This may not be needed if the surrogate already lives in a surrogacy friendly state or country, and ideally, it's best to choose a surrogate in a surrogacy friendly place. All this should have been arranged and agreed upon during the contract process, with the help of the lawyers.

When the gestational surrogate is verified to be in labor, she will contact the intended parents. The hospital should have been told about the surrogacy arrangement beforehand, so proper communication and access can be provided for all involved.

Whether the intended parents will be with the surrogate during or after the birth will depend on agreements between them, hopefully decided upon earlier. Some surrogates will be happy to have the parents present, while others may request privacy for all or parts of the labor.

Assuming a happy and healthy birth occurs, the parents should get to hold the baby soon after the birth. In some surrogacy arrangements, the gestational surrogate may agree to provide pumped breast milk for the baby for a certain period of time.

The attorney should have arranged the parental rights or pre-birth order paperwork before birth, and it should be available at the time of the baby or babies' birth. This will help get the intended parents' names on the birth certificate, instead of the surrogate's name. In some states and countries, there is a required delay of days or weeks before the surrogate can confirm the intended parents as the true parents.

While we always hope for success, it's possible that the IVF cycle will not be successful and several cycles will be attempted. It's also possible for the IVF cycle to be canceled midway for medical reasons, for no embryos to be viable, for the surrogate not become pregnant even with viable embryos, or for the surrogate may miscarry.

Other potential complications to the surrogacy include a high-order multiple pregnancy, which may lead to a selective fetal reduction (something that should have been discussed prior to signing the surrogacy agreement); detection of a birth defect, which may lead to questions of terminating the pregnancy; or any number of pregnancy complications with the surrogate or baby.

All of these situations should be discussed prior to the contracts being signed, to be sure the surrogate and intended parents agree on how to handle the situations.

How Much Does Surrogacy Cost?

Surrogacy cost will depend on a number of factors, including whether or not the surrogate is known, if the surrogacy is "commercial surrogacy" (meaning the surrogate will receive compensation for her services as a surrogate, almost always the case in the United States), and if gamete or embryo donation is involved. The experience level of the surrogate will also affect price, with experienced surrogates costing more.

That said, the range is anywhere between $50,000 to $100,000, which includes legal fees, agency fees, IVF fees, and payments to the surrogate.

The surrogate herself, in commercial surrogacy, is usually paid between $20,000 to $35,000. The payments are provided in parts, starting with confirmation of a heartbeat and given out every few months, via an escrow account that should be set up prior to the IVF process.

Insurance usually does not cover surrogacy arrangements, but may in some cases, cover certain procedures, such as the IVF treatment. The surrogate's prenatal and birth may be covered by some insurance carriers, but others include a surrogacy exclusion clause. (When choosing a surrogate, finding someone who does have insurance coverage is ideal.)

However, because coverage for the entire surrogacy arrangement is rare and never completely covered, you should plan to pay for the entire process.

Sources:

Brinsden, Peter R. "Gestational surrogacy." Human Reproduction Update, Vol.9, No.5 pp. 483±491, 2003 http://humupd.oxfordjournals.org/content/9/5/483.full.pdf

Brisman, Melissa B. What to Consider when Considering Gestational Surrogacy. The InterNational Council on Infertility Information Dissemination. Accessed August 29, 2011. http://www.inciid.org/article.php?cat=thirdparty&id=786

Sharon LaMothe. http://lamothesurrogacyconsulting.com/ Email Correspondence/Interview. August 16 and 17, 2011.

Surrogacy. Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority. Accessed August 29, 2011. http://www.hfea.gov.uk/fertility-treatment-options-surrogacy.html

Third Party Reproduction (Sperm, egg, and embryo donation and surrogacy). American Society of Reproductive Medicine. Accessed August 29, 2011. http://www.asrm.org/uploadedFiles/ASRM_Content/Resources/Patient_Resources/Fact_Sheets_and_Info_Booklets/thirdparty.pdf

Surrogacy Programs (#17). Questions to Ask Series. RESOLVE. Accessed August 29, 2011. http://familybuilding.resolve.org/site/DocServer/Surrogacy_Programs.pdf?docID=544

6 Infertility Etiquette Tips for the Holiday Season

2011-12-05T16:19:00.000-08:00

The holidays are a wonderful time to spend with family and friends, but for those coping with infertility, the pain of celebrating a child-centric holiday can be difficult. Holiday joy can be quickly squashed with a careless comment such as “Why haven’t you had kids yet?” Even seeing other couples celebrate their first holiday together as a family can be painful.

With one in six couples of child-bearing age experiencing infertility, that adds up to a lot of silent sufferers this holiday season. For such intended parents, experts at Reproductive Science Center have compiled tips to help make the holiday season a time of joy, not despair.

“Just as you put time into planning into your holiday schedule, it is important to put time into planning how you will navigate the holidays emotionally,” explains reproductive endocrinologist Dr. Mary Hinckley with Reproductive Science Center in the East Bay. “It’s good to take the time to think about which situations are most challenging and which provide you with hope and encouragement. Couples need to identify those events that might be too overwhelming and navigate around them, so they can focus on a meaningful, joyous holiday season.”

6 Tips for Couples Coping with Infertility During the Holidays:

1. Plan ahead. Have an answer prepared should someone inquire about your intentions to have children. Although many close friends and relatives will understand, couples shouldn’t feel obligated to disclose personal details about their infertility experiences.

2. Be selective with your invitations to holiday celebrations, particularly where you expect to find children or pregnant women. If it will be too difficult to attend, you don’t need to go.

3. Anticipate when you might see children at family events. If it’s too painful to be around young nieces, nephews and cousins, consider arriving just in time for a holiday dinner and not the night before.

4. Bond with other couples who don’t have children. Plan to spend time with couples or friends who don't have children if family festivities are too much to bear.

5. Decide whether or not to hold any babies before you arrive. For some, holding a baby can bring hope while for others it can be incredibly painful. Well-meaning relatives may want to share in the joy of a new family member as do you, but it is important to listen to your needs first.

6. Start new family traditions with your partner, or get out of town. It could be a ski trip or a romantic getaway. Approaching the holiday in a new way may be the best way to enjoy the holiday season.

6 “Infertility Etiquette” Tips for Friends & Family:

1. Don’t minimize the problem by mentioning the hassles of parenting or say there are worse things that could happen. Coping with infertility is painful and only those experiencing it understand how difficult it can be.

2. Don't offer advice or tips on how the couple can fix the situation, whether it’s exercise, food or lifestyle. Rest assured that if the couple has seen a fertility specialist, the physician has already covered these issues. Couples coping with infertility often blame themselves and struggle with this issue.

3. Don’t tell the couple to relax and if it is meant to be, it will happen. Doctors consider couples infertile if they have tried unsuccessfully for more than a year to conceive. While stress often appears to be a contributor to infertility, the human reproductive system is complex and affected by a number of biological and physical factors.

4. Don’t complain about your own past or present pregnancy. Couples dealing with infertility hope for the day they can worry about pregnancy.

5. Do be supportive. Hugs and encouragement go a long way. Spend time together or plan activities that don’t focus on children. Show your love and care.

6. Don’t push adoption. Each couple has their own approach to family building, and are well aware of their options. This is a personal topic that they may have considered or struggled with, and it is not appropriate to discuss at a holiday event.

# # #

About Reproductive Science Center: Established in 1983, just two years after the first successful birth through in vitro fertilization (IVF) in the United States, the Reproductive Science Center of the San Francisco Bay Area has been a pioneering fertility medical practice for more than a quarter-century. RSC was also responsible for the nation’s second successful birth of a baby from a frozen embryo and is recognized today for its pregnancy rates and work with egg donors and egg donation for patients from northern California, the Western United States, Asia, India and around the world for patients pursuing medical tourism. Our fertility clinics in San Ramon, Orinda, San Jose and Modesto are easily accessible to fertility patients from Contra Costa County, Alameda County, Santa Clara County, San Francisco County, Stanislaus County, Solano County, Merced County, Mariposa County, Calaveras County, Eldorado County, Placer County, San Benito County and Monterey County. Fertility doctors Dr. Galen, Dr. Weckstein, Dr. Willman, Dr. Hinckley, Dr. Sgarlata, Dr. Wachs and Dr. Ivani are specialists in infertility, recurrent pregnancy loss, polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), endometriosis, miscarriages, male infertility, pre-implantation genetic screening (PGS), egg freezing and reproductive medicine surgery. www.rscbayarea.com

Girlfriend to Girlfriend’s Guide to Surrogacy Part Two By Sharon LaMothe (As Seen in the New 2011 AFA Directory)

2011-11-12T08:46:00.000-08:00

Once you agreed to work with a surrogate mother the next steps are to make sure she is mentally capable and medically evaluated. This is where other professionals within the field of surrogacy come in and make sure that this match is viable. Then the legal contracts can be drawn up and agreed upon. You can see here that not only do you have the agency assessing this match but attorneys, psychologists and doctors. Usually the comfort level rises after each step is completed.

If you are orchestrating this surrogacy journey on your own, and it can be done, just make sure that you don’t skip a step in order to ‘save’ time or money. Don’t download a sample contract from the web for your own personal use. Don’t skimp on the mental health evaluation, make sure that your choice of a surrogate has had a medical evaluation with YOUR reproductive endocrinologist and that she is a good candidate before you draw up the contracts. Have enough money to place in an escrow account held by a qualified escrow agent. Prepare for any extra financial issues such as travel, medications, hospital bills and insurance. You might even want to update your will and estate plan. After all, you are expecting a new life into your family and you want to make sure that all is in order!

The relationship with your pregnant surrogate is often challenging and changing month to month. If she doesn’t live near you then you must learn to communicate via e-mail and phone. You have to decide when the most opportune times are to plan personal visits and keep in contact with her OB and any other professionals involved with the surrogacy process. If you have had personal losses (miscarriages, stillbirth or have been trying for years to become pregnant) this surrogate pregnancy maybe to good to believe. Remember that YOUR surrogate never had a stillbirth or miscarriage and is feeling confident and capable carrying your child to term. She maybe very upbeat and perky and, for some, that can be hard to handle. On another note she may not want to talk on the phone or e-mail as much as you would like. She has her own family demanding her time and may seem to be avoiding your attempts to check in with her but that simply may not be the case. Make sure that your expectations regarding communication are understood before the process begins! If you do live close to her then visits may be limited to doctor appointments and the occasional lunch. Communication is key!

The birth of your baby is an amazing time for everyone involved. You can be expecting twins or a c-section or an uncomplicated vaginal birth but no matter the case the feeling of accomplishment is beyond expression. Yes, paperwork must be completed, the birth certificate filled out and your insurance company informed but now is also the time when you and your surrogate part ways. Maybe not permanently but you will leave the hospital with your baby and she will return to her own family. This is a time for you to bond with your newest addition but don’t forget to check in with your surrogate from time to time especially within the first six of weeks or so. Closure is important but so is maintaining your relationship (which hopefully is strong) because one day your child might have questions about how he or she was brought into this world. Yes, thinking about the future and potential questions is important even now. There are several children’s books on the market that explain, in age appropriate ways, the facts of surrogacy, egg donation and adoption. There are many ways to build a family and children need to know and accept this at an early age.

Surrogacy is one way to build your family. Using an egg or sperm donor or donated embryos also add to a possibly overwhelming endeavor but if you hire experienced professionals to assist you and do your homework, surrogacy can be a very rewarding and amazing way to make your dreams of parenthood come true.

Girlfriend to Girlfriend’s Guide to Surrogacy (Part One) By: Sharon LaMothe (As seen in the New 2011 AFA Directory)

2011-11-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

A supportive friend (or two) is so important!

As incredible or unexpected as it may seem to you, you have found out that the only way to build the family of your dreams is either through surrogacy or adoption. You have weighed all of the pros and cons of each option and know what you want to do. And surrogacy came out on top of your list. But where to start? Everything out there, all the information, support groups, research data, websites advertizing services and clinics offering IVF packages just leave you reeling in confusion. Don’t panic because I am going to walk you through a typical surrogacy process that will help you organize your thoughts and move one step closer to realizing your dream of parenthood.

First, I have to say that I should never have used the word ‘typical’ because there is no such thing. We are dealing with human emotions and because each of us is unique, we have different expectations of ourselves and of each other. The first thing that should to be done then is to define those expectations. Having a friend or family member become a gestational carrier (Not related to the baby and is impregnated via In Vitro Fertilization) for you might seem ideal at first but what of the relationships that you are already having with this woman personally and with her own family? Are you prepared for those relationships to change and is there a fear that you will never be able to ‘repay’ such kindness? What about hiring a surrogacy agency to find you a woman who carries no baggage into your relationship and is focused on growing a friendship with you while carrying your baby. Would this seem less of a burden? Would you feel better helping another woman financially while she is carrying your future child in her womb? What do you expect out of this relationship (besides a baby)? Once you decide what would make you feel the most comfortable it’s time to put your plan into action.

If you are thinking of a friend or family member then you have to be prepared to tell everyone in your circle that you are looking for a surrogate and answer the questions ‘why?’. If you have someone particular in mind you have to approach them with all the facts. They (and their family) need to be educated about just what you are asking this woman to do for you. This means gathering the appropriate information yourself. You need to find a reproductive attorney and make sure that surrogacy arrangements are legal in your state. You need to contact an infertility clinic and see what their requirements are regarding the qualifications of a surrogate mother. You need to locate a mental health professional who is well versed in surrogacy and perhaps arrange an initial appointment for you and your partner. Let’s not forget to talk to a financial advisor as well.

If you don’t have a friend that will be willing or able to assist you in this HUGE endeavor then you might be thinking of hiring an agency to match you with either a woman who has been a carrier in the past or is a mother herself who has the desire to help someone build their family via gestational surrogacy. I strongly suggest that you find a qualified agency and not go out on your own answering classified ads or browsing the web in order to save money. An agency will be able to guide you through the surrogacy process and recommend professionals in the infertility field to assist you each step of the way. Your surrogacy agency will know what states have the best surrogacy laws, will have an estimate of the costs involved, will point you toward a mental health professional who knows what questions to ask and is experienced in surrogacy evaluations, will suggest an attorney to draw up your contracts and, if you need a recommendation for an infertility clinic for either the embryo transfer or a satellite office to monitor your surrogate, the agency should have a list of prospects for you to contact. Remember that women who want to become surrogates are well educated about this process when they sign up and are accepted by the agency. They know what to expect and are prepared to move forward with Intended Parents who are a good match for them.

Look for Part Two.....

What is the Cause of Vanishing Twin Syndrome?

2011-10-25T12:23:00.000-07:00

Many women who conceive naturally may not even be aware that at one point, very early in their pregnancy, they were carrying twins! Now if you conceived via IVF and were monitored regularly after your transfer then you would be very aware if one, two or more sacs were seen and just what the condition of each might be...is there a fetal pole? a heart beat? empty? However, what can happen is that during one ultra sound a twin pregnancy is pronounced and by the next there is only one heartbeat on the monitor. This devastating news to those in love with the idea of having twins is referred to as the Vanishing Twin Syndrome.

I have posted some more "technical" information below. I would like to share with you the fact that I had a Vanishing Triplet! My very first surrogacy, and second IVF attempt, we had transferred 3 embryos. After receiving the very high beta number we scheduled our first US at 7 weeks. We were in for a shock! Having thought that it could only be twins...as we not all 3 embryos were the best, we saw 3 sacs on the monitor! And 2 of those had health heart beats. The third, however, seemed smaller. Perhaps a late implanter? Maybe...but now we had to schedule a 2nd US to see what that 3rd sac would do as my IP's had no intention of raising triplets. We had agreed, you see, on selective reduction for anything over twins.

When I returned, on my own the next time, it was obvious that the 3rd sac was already starting to dissipate and the two other sacs (both girls we came to find out later) were healthy and growing at a normal rate!

If we had conceived naturally, there most likely would never have been a Beta test, there might have been no ultra sounds until the 20th week...where we would have seen twin girls, healthy and strong....we would have never been aware of that third sac.

Sharon
LaMothe Services, LLC
http://lamotheservices.com/
LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting
http://lamothesurrogacyconsulting.com/
Infertility Answers, Inc.
http://infertilityanswers.org/

What is the cause of Vanishing Twin Syndrome?
Vanishing twin syndrome was first recognized in 1945. Vanishing twin syndrome is when one of a set of twin/multiple fetuses disappears in the uterus during pregnancy. This is the result of a miscarriage of one twin/multiple. The fetal tissue is absorbed by the other twin/multiple, placenta or the mother. This gives the appearance of a “vanishing twin”.

How is Vanishing Twin Syndrome identified?
Before the use of ultrasound, the diagnosis of the death of a member of a multiple pregnancy was made through an examination of the placenta after delivery. Today, with the availability of early ultrasounds, the presence of twins or multiple fetuses can be detected during the first trimester. A follow-up ultrasound may reveal the “disappearance” of a twin.

For example, a woman may have an ultrasound at 6 or 7 weeks gestation. The doctor identifies two fetuses and the woman is told she is having twins. When the woman returns for her next visit, only one heartbeat can be heard with Doppler. A second ultrasound is conducted and only one fetus is observed.

Sometimes a woman may have symptoms that would indicate a miscarriage, yet, with an ultrasound, a single baby is found in her uterus.

Vanishing twin syndrome has been diagnosed more frequently since the use of ultrasonography in early pregnancy. A conservative estimate of frequency is that vanishing twin syndrome occurs in 21-30% of multi fetal pregnancies. Research from a European series of pregnancies associated with assisted reproductive technology (ART) show that 10-15% of singleton births were initially twin gestations.

First trimester: Morbidity when vanishing twin syndrome occurs during the first trimester is limited. The mother is most likely to develop mild vaginal bleeding and cramping. If the event occurs later in the first trimester, morbidity may be similar to that of the second and third trimesters.
Second and third trimesters: Maternal complications include premature labor, infection from a retained fetus, severe puerperal hemorrhage, consumptive coagulopathy, and obstruction of labor by a low-lying fetus papyraceus causing dystocia and leading to a cesarean delivery.
The diagnosis of vanishing twin in a pregnancy significantly increases both preterm (37 gestational weeks) and very preterm (32 gestational weeks) births.

Surrogacy Helps Make a Family Grow! Written for Surrogates and Their Children by Sharon LaMothe

2011-10-16T06:45:00.000-07:00

I am thrilled to announce that my book, Surrogacy Helps Make a Family Grow!, is available on Amazon.com for those living and working in the world of surrogacy. This heartwarming story is written for the children of surrogate mothers who want to explain to them just how and why they are carrying a baby for another family.

I was a surrogate myself when my own kids were ages 3 and 13 and there were no books out there to help me explain this wonderful selfless act to them. Surrogacy Helps Make a Family Grow! is only 30 pages long and filled with colorful illustrations and makes a perfect 'welcome gift' from agencies, clinics and IPs. For women becoming surrogates themselves, this is a great tool to teach their own children about Gestational Surrogacy and how the whole family makes the dream of a baby come true for those in need.

Anyone wanting to buy 20 books or more please e-mail me at SurroMatchFL@aol.com for discount details

Five Tips for Coping with Depressing Jobs by Ellen Golding Psychologist

2011-10-07T07:00:00.000-07:00

Ellen Golding, MA MFT (http://www.ellengolding.com), a Los Angeles based psychologist, uses different coping mechanisms for clients dealing with job-related depression. Health magazine recently published a study of “10 Careers with High Rates of Depression,” which ranks jobs based on how many full-time workers are likely to report an episode of major depression. While most people focus on the physical aspects of making their work place better, the mental health consequences and remedies are just as important.

Is this what you feel your job is like?

The 10 Most Depression Jobs are as follows –

• Nursing Home/child-care workers

• Food Service Staff

• Social Workers

• Health-care workers

• Artists, Entertainers, Writers

• Teachers

• Administrative Support Staff

• Maintenance & Ground Workers

• Financial advisors and accountants

• Salespeople

“Someone’s employment is one of the most personal and interconnected aspects of a person’s life – you have to deal with it daily, rely on it for income, and have to put up with office politics. It can be very hard emotionally, physically and mentally on a person’s psyche and can lead to depression,” says Golding. She added that, “Counseling can often ease the depression by giving one a venting opportunity on a regular basis and by creating personal coping techniques.” Some therapeutic tips for coping with depression in the workforce include:

• Exhaustion - Depression at your job can contribute to exhaustion. It is important to get at least eight hours of sleep every night. Depression will be infinitely harder to fight if you are suffering from fatigue as well.

• Alienation - When someone is suffering from depression in the workforce, it can become easy to alienate yourself from work activities and socializing, skipping a meeting, eating lunch alone, or not attending holiday parties. It is important to understand that including yourself will help you cope with depression.

• Anxiety – Depression is often linked with anxiety. You might be anxious about a boss or a looming deadline and that anxiety is manifesting as depression. Try to isolate what is making you anxious and figure out a way to cope with it that will lessen the pain. Therapy can also help you reduce anxiety.

• Assertiveness Training – Often times depression can come from stipulations or policies set by executives or bosses at your employment that you feel are unfair. Assertiveness training can teach you the proper way to stand up for yourself and communicate forcefully without derailing your career.

• Deep Breathing, Meditation Relaxation, Exercise – Getting into an exercise routine has been found to help with depression and anxiety. Yoga and meditative breathing techniques can also help you relax before a big meeting or other stressful events.

For more information, visit www.ellengolding.com.
Ellen Golding is a licensed marriage and family therapist who has a private practice in West Los Angeles. In her practice, she provides treatment in individual and group settings for adults and adolescents using psychodynamic, ego psychotherapies and cognitive/behavioral therapy. She is also a Behavior Intervention Specialist for the Compton Unified School District, where she specializes in individual and in-group therapy for a diverse body of students. In addition, she is a part-time National University core professor and an adjunct professor at Argosy University and Ryokan College

The Odds Have it…How to Evaluate your Infertility by the Numbers by John S. Rinehart, M.D., Ph.D., J.D.

2011-09-28T08:40:00.000-07:00

Everyone is swamped with information overload today. The various forms of media provide an endless amount of data. But, does the information provided actually help or hinder attempts to achieve a pregnancy?

The answer will depend upon how a person views predicting the future. Oh, that again… just when you think you’ve got it figured out, someone changes the rules. Statistics actually provides a method of predicting the future. Not quite as snazzy as a crystal ball, but a lot more accurate. The ‘numbers’ can guide you to the best way to use all of this information that is at your fingertips and actually help yourself.
So how does statistics work? The most common misconception about statistics is that they will tell a person what will happen. Actually, they tell a person what might happen and how likely the event is to happen. Patients frequently ask whether a prediction/statistic applies to them. Yes it does, but that is not what a person wants to know. Most people want to know what will happen to them as an individual. Statistics speak to people as a whole, not the individual. If a physician tells a person that the chance of having an infection or a bleeding complication from an egg retrieval is about 3 in a 1000, that is reassuring…unless of course you are one of the three who had the complication.

Making smart choices in medicine rests upon the use of predictions. A prediction makes a statement, usually in the form of a percent or odds such as one in ten. Both types of predictions require two numbers; numerator and denominator. A percentage is nothing more than one number (numerator) divided by another number (denominator) expressed as a percentage. Unless you know both the numerator AND the denominator, a statistic is meaningless. Knowing the denominator frames your information into likelihood…or not. Think of it as the lottery. 1000’s of people have won a lottery…sounds like a good bet, no? Unless you realize that billions have played. It is the stories that are told, numerator only, that warp the statistics, and often the hopes and dreams of the people reading them. A seemingly great story of a pregnancy that was achieved against all odds seems like it could be YOUR story, until you put it into the context of the number of people who have attempted, and failed, to make it their story as well. Consequently, the horror story bandied around on any given day regarding risks from Infertility or any other procedure, may send its reader running…until/unless that number is put into context (by reporting the denominator as well) and the Unlikelihood of this occurring is realized. The point to remember is that rare events, whether good or bad, are actually predicted by statistics so rather than being wrong they are, in fact, correct.

Statistics allows a person to make a risk-benefit determination. What is my chance of being pregnant from the cycle of IVF versus what is the chance of significant harm from IVF? For example, there is actually a death rate for doing egg retrievals for IVF. It is quite low and perhaps incalculable but some estimates are 5/1,000,000. What most people don’t consider is that there is also a death rate from being pregnant. On any given year in the USA, the death rate varies around 16/100,000 live births. In 2008, the motor vehicle fatalities were 18/ 100,000 registered drivers. Interesting but let’s get back making a smart choice about getting pregnant!

So let’s say that you were just born and had never seen a coin nor bet on a coin toss. A somewhat nefarious fellow shows you only one side of a penny and all you see is Lincoln. He says he’ll flip the coin in the air and he bet’s you a buck that when it lands Lincoln won’t be on the coin. Again, you we just born so being somewhat gullible you think this is a good idea and you bet him the buck. He tosses it and “voila” it’s Lincoln- you win. Bolstered by your success, when he says he’ll make the same bet if you toss it again, you eagerly take the bet. But wait- what is this? A picture of some stupid memorial? Where did that come from? Now he wins and you learn an important principle. The coin has two faces and a smart choice would have been to have inspected the coin to begin with and determined what was on the other side. Furthermore, tossing the coin does not always guarantee that it will land on Lincoln. So what about a third toss? Should you take that bet? Here is where statistics can help you make a smart choice.

Anyone who understands a coin toss can understand the important points from using statistics to help make a decision. The problem with mass communication and overwhelming data is trying to determine the accuracy of a prediction. For example, suppose you are browsing the web and a 42 year old lady says she got pregnant on her fifth try at IVF. You are 42 and trying to decide if you should do IVF at all. The first problem with a personal story on the web is that it is impossible to tell if the story is accurate or even if it is true. Just because someone put it on the web does not make it factual. But let’s suppose the above is true. What is the chance of a 42 year old person getting pregnant and how fast should it happen? That information is available. A 42 year old just starting to try to get pregnant has less than a 50% chance of being successful. If the woman can get pregnant, it happens quickly, usually within the first 6 months of trying. The longer a woman tries to get pregnant and is unsuccessful, the less the chance that she can conceive.

So assume that you have been trying for six months and you are not pregnant. You consult an REI and that person suggests moving straight to IVF. Seems a bit aggressive on the first go? Now it’s time to figure out the odds of achieving a successful pregnancy on the first try for a 42 year old woman with a normal evaluation (semen analysis for partner OK, uterine cavity OK, ovarian reserve [hormone testing] OK). National data suggest that it would be somewhere around 10%. What would be the chance if you did nothing? That estimate is somewhere around 1-3%. Other choices like clomid or an Insemination protocol are probably not better than IVF and most likely somewhat less successful. With this information, our 42 year old opts for IVF…and doesn’t get pregnant. The story about the fifth time being the charm looms in her mind. Yet, doing a cycle of IVF was not as easy as she thought it was going to be, her response was not great and the quality of the two embryos that formed was only average. Oh, and she wants to be pregnant now. So what about a second cycle of IVF? The chance is still about 10%. Second cycle, not a great response and still no pregnancy. The thought of a third try is almost overwhelming. It is worth it? Use statistics!

What are the options? Do nothing, do another cycle of IVF, do a cycle of IVF using donor eggs or adopt. You already know that the chance of getting pregnant on your own is exceeding small- OK not zero- but really, are you feeling that lucky? Donor oocyte cycles are somewhat successful with a delivery rate around 50% for the first try. Adoption is an option but it is expensive and neither you nor your partner has any genetic input into the child, nor do you have the chance to carry the baby and deliver the child. On the other hand, when done properly adoption has a very good “success” rate. How about that third cycle of IVF? Estimates will vary but the literature that does exist suggests that after two tries for women between the ages of 41 and 43, the success for the third try at IVF is very low and perhaps not different from doing nothing. Knowing the statistics puts the options in perspective. It does not help make the decision because a lot of factors go into a decision about what form of treatment to use, but at least statistics allows a person to rank the options by the likelihood of success.

In the end, the best you can do is to gather reputable information, combine the outcomes, add the things that are important to you and go for it. The use of statistics can give you the best chance of getting what you want. All statistics comes down to the concept of the coin toss so don’t let the numbers scare you. Use statistics to achieve success.

Dr. Rinehart is a Founding Partner of Reproductive Medicine Institute (www.reproductivemedicineinstitute.com) with six board certified specialists in the field of reproductive endocrinology and immunology including the area of recurrent miscarriage, along with the treatment of endometriosis, in seven locations throughout Chicagoland.

5 Tips for Better Work-Life Balance by By Jen Uscher

2011-09-19T08:30:00.000-07:00

If you're feeling overworked and finding it more challenging than ever to juggle the demands of your job and the rest of your life, you're not alone.

"A lot of people are having a more difficult time finding balance in their lives because there have been cutbacks or layoffs where they work. They're afraid it may happen to them, so they're putting in more hours," says psychologist Robert Brooks, PhD, co-author of The Power of Resilience: Achieving Balance, Confidence, and Personal Strength in Your Life.

"But even if you don't have much control over the hours you have to work, you can ask yourself: In what other ways am I bringing greater enjoyment into my life?" Brooks says. "Focus your time and attention on things you can control."

Here are five ways to bring a little more balance to your daily routine:

1. Build downtime into your schedule.

When you plan your week, make it a point to schedule time with your family and friends and activities that help you recharge.

If a date night with your spouse or a softball game with friends is on your calendar, you'll have something to look forward to and an extra incentive to manage your time well so you don't have to cancel.

"It helps to be proactive about scheduling," says Laura Stack, a productivity expert in Denver and author of SuperCompetent: The Six Keys to Perform at Your Productive Best. "When I go out with my girlfriends, we all whip out our cell phones and put another girls' night out on the calendar for one month later," she says.

Stack also plans an activity with her family -- like going to a movie or the park -- every Sunday afternoon. "We do this because if there's nothing on the schedule, time tends to get frittered away and the weekend may end without us spending quality time together," she says.

Michael Neithardt, an actor and television commercial producer in New York City, wakes up three hours before he has to leave for work so he can go for a run and spend some time with his wife and baby.

"A lot of my friends tend to wake up, shower, and go straight to work. And they often complain about having no time to do anything," he tells WebMD in an e-mail. "I find that if I can get those three hours in the morning, I have a more productive and peaceful workday. I can sure tell the difference when I don't."

2. Drop activities that sap your time or energy.

"Many people waste their time on activities or people that add no value -- for example, spending too much time at work with a colleague who is constantly venting and gossiping," says Marilyn Puder-York, PhD, a psychologist and executive coach in New York and Connecticut. She recommends taking stock of activities that aren't really enhancing your career or personal life and minimizing the time you spend on them.

You may even be able to leave work earlier if you make a conscious effort to limit the time you spend on the web and social media sites, making personal calls, or checking your bank balance. "We often get sucked into these habits that are making us much less efficient without realizing it," Stack says.

3. Rethink your errands.

Consider whether you can outsource any of your time-consuming household chores or errands.

Could you order your groceries online and have them delivered? Hire a kid down the street to mow your lawn? Have your dry cleaning picked up and dropped off at your home or office? Order your stamps online so you don't have to go to the post office? Even if you're on a tight budget, you may discover that the time you'll save will make it worth it.

Stack also suggests trading services with friends. Offer to do tasks that you enjoy or that you were planning to do anyway.

"You could exchange gardening services for babysitting services," Stack says. "If you like to cook, you could prepare and freeze a couple of meals and give them to a friend in exchange for wrapping your holiday gifts."

4. Get moving.

It's hard to make time for exercise when you have a jam-packed schedule, but experts say that it may ultimately help you get more done by boosting your energy level and ability to concentrate.

"Research shows exercise can help you to be more alert," Brooks says. "And I've noticed that when I don't exercise because I'm trying to squeeze in another half hour of writing, I don't feel as alert."

Samantha Harris, a lawyer who works for a nonprofit organization in Philadelphia, says she recently started sneaking in a trip to the gym two or three mornings a week before her family wakes up. "It's been a real boost in terms of the way I feel for the rest of the day," she says. "I feel like my head is clearer and I've had a little time to myself."

5. Remember that a little relaxation goes a long way.

Don't get overwhelmed by assuming that you need to make big changes to bring more balance to your life. Brooks recommends setting realistic goals, like trying to leave the office earlier one night per week.
"Slowly build more activities into your schedule that are important to you," he says. "Maybe you can start by spending an hour a week on your hobby of carpentry or planning a weekend getaway with your spouse once a year," he says.

Stack points out that even during a hectic day, you can take 10 or 15 minutes to do something that will recharge your batteries. "Take a bath, read a trashy novel, go for a walk, or listen to music," she suggests. "You have to make a little time for the things that ignite your joy."

Relax? The Truth About Stress and Infertility By Guest Blogger Helen Adrienne

2011-09-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

While the map laid out in Nicola Menke’s article “Trouble starting a family? See a doctor – and relax” under Health News on Monsters and Critics http://www.monstersandcritics.com/news/health/news/article_1659651.php/Trouble-starting-a-family-See-a-doctor-and-relax) offers basic advice about a medical workup to determine why you’ve not conceived, the inference (you’re not getting pregnant because of your psychological state and you need to relax) is unfair.

First of all, a failure to conceive will cause anxiety, not necessarily the other way around. But if there is a psychological reason that you are not conceiving, it would be out of conscious awareness. Therefore to infer blame is counterproductive. Furthermore, whether others are insinuating that you are implicated in your infertility or whether you are accusing yourself, what is often left out of the story is that when unconscious processes or beliefs are exposed, the issue can be resolved. If psychotherapeutic support is recommended, it is presented without this reason to be hopeful. Instead, it feels as if you are somehow physically and mentally defective.

If no physical obstacle to pregnancy can be found, it may seem natural to suspect a psychological one, but it is not logical. The mind/body connection is infinitely complicated. The last thing you need is to feel judged. There could be either an obscure physical diagnosis or an emotional detail (or both) that may not be known but which explains the situation.

Once you are struggling with conception, it doesn’t mean you “created” your infertility. One thing about the title is true: there is no down side to learning to relax. It can help. You need your body to be in a state of receptivity. If you are on the edge of your chair with worry, your body, logically, is in a state of tension. Given the reality of infertility, this cannot be helped. There’s too much at stake. But you can actively reverse the physiology of stress. By so doing, you can feel back in control of your life again. My book On Fertile Ground: Healing Infertility can serve as one of your tools to help reclaim control.

Helen Adrienne’s heart has been in private practice since 1979 both as a general therapist, working with individuals and couples on a multitude of issues, and as a specialist providing mental health services to reproductive and gynecologic patients. Helen maintains offices in New York City and Bergen County, New Jersey. She also conducts mind/body stress reduction classes at NYU Fertility Center for patients and educates mental health professionals on the parameters of infertility at national and international conferences. She has authored many articles on infertility. Helen’s book, On Fertile Ground: Healing Infertility, is written for infertility patients and those who want to understand them.

Top Five Mistakes Egg Donors Make On Their Application By Guest Blogger Gail Sexton Anderson, Ed. M.

2011-08-31T08:00:00.000-07:00

1) Not knowing the difference between race and ethnicity e.g. Caucasian is a race not an ethnicity. If you say that your ethnicity is Caucasian/White as your answer to you ethnicity that tells the intended parents nothing. Just as if you say that you are Asian for both your race and your ethnicity or European that is still very vague. Your chances of being matched quickly depends on how complete your profile is.

* Race is a broad category such as Asian, Caucasian, African America, Latino/Hispanic, Middle Eastern, Black and White may also be listed for race etc.

* Ethnicity is fine tuning to indicate where your family came from originally, you may be Irish, English, Swedish, German, Greek, Mexican, Chinese, Japanese, Persian, Lebanese or a combination, intended parents want to know what ethnicity or combination of ethnicities you are to see if you shares their ethnicity as well as their race.

2) Not knowing SAT or ACT score raises a question, these test are monumental in most peoples lives and they remember there scores for the rest of their lives. Saying that you don’t remember is highly unlikely. If you didn’t take it say so, if you did check with your college or high school, don’t make something up. Many couples will ask for verification of your scores which could be embarrassing if you have remembered your score incorrectly.

3) Not choosing your pictures carefully. Make sure the agency has a really good head-shot of you. If you don’t have one you can usually have one taken for about $20 in your local mall. Intended parents don’t know you and will not be able to see past a bad hair day picture to your inner beauty. Cell phone pictures are also not acceptable. Please avoid sexy poses, these are sometimes a turn off for intended mothers they want to see the sweet girl next store. And finally, party girl shots with a drink in hand can also be misleading. Remember these couples are about to make the hardest decision they never thought they would have to make. They are getting to know you through the information you are sharing with them. They are looking for wholesome not sexy think daughter material not date material.

4) Not knowing your blood type. For some intended parents blood type may be important. To find out your blood type you can probably contact your family physician or donate blood. Not filling in this information will again slow down the process. A blood test can usually be obtained for about $15.

5) Leaving blanks on your application. If you don’t know something find it out. Blanks on your application may leave the impression that you are not taking egg donation seriously. The last thing you want is to look like you are being cavalier and uncaring. Couples want to feel comfortable moving forward with you the more you can express your self in complete sentences the more they will be able to relate to who you are as an individual. They want to like you, help them by saying more not less. Put yourself in their shoes would you take the girl that has answered the questions as briefly as possible or the girl who has offered a window into who she is as a person.

Gail Sexton Anderson has dedicated her career to helping intended parents from all walks of life to build families. She founded Donor Concierge as a compassionate approach to helping intended parents sort through the gauntlet of egg donor and surrogacy options. Gail has developed working relationships with many excellent egg donor and surrogacy programs, reproductive endocrinologists, fertility attorneys, and mental health professionals specializing in third party fertility counseling she has known and trusted for years.

Questions Answered Regarding the Baby Selling Ring Involving Carla Chambers, Theresa Erickson, and Hillary Neiman

2011-08-24T17:38:00.000-07:00

The article below is from the Blog entitled The Spin Doctor where Steven Snyder, who played an essential part in the conviction of Carla Chambers, Theresa Erickson, and Hillary Neiman tells us all how this situation transpired and how he became involved. I believe that there are still unanswered questions but eventually we will know all of the details and that will help us be more diligent in the future regarding professional A.R.T. practices!

More Insight On How The Baby Trafficking Ring Unraveled

Steven Snyder, Chair of the American Bar Association Assisted Reproductive Technology Committee, was kind enough to submit a guest blog post earlier this week. Today, Steve was kind enough to submit another post where he explains how the human trafficking ring was exposed and the steps the industry took to try to police itself. While a long read, it disposes of several canards and provides the most detailed factual account of what has occurred to date.

Personal Perspectives on Baby Selling Scheme, or Things That Make Me Go, “Huh?”

That People Are Still Confused About What Was Really Going On.

I have read a number of comments, blog posts, etc. (by some usually knowledgeable ART professionals) about the U.S.-Ukrainian baby selling scheme that have misunderstood or misstated the facts. In order to fully appreciate the gravity of the case, we must first understand exactly what was happening.

Carla Chambers, years ago, worked as a surrogate for Theresa Erickson through Ms. Erickson’s surrogacy agency. Sometime after working with Ms. Erickson as a surrogate, Ms. Chambers was arrested in 2000 as she was trying to use fresh semen samples to impregnate women in New Zealand whom she had solicited through advertisements as “surrogates” who then traveled to California to deliver the babies. The babies, according to a concurrent newspaper report, were then adopted by U.S. parents. We do not know who the “Californian-based adoption attorney” who “masterminded” this previous scheme was those eleven years ago from this article, but this past scheme was obviously not Ms. Chambers’ idea. Thus, this new scheme isn’t Ms. Chambers’ first, and it is unlikely that this one was her idea, either. (We know it wasn’t Hilary Neiman’s idea because her plea agreement clearly states that she was solicited into the conspiracy three years after Ms. Erickson and Ms. Chambers had already started running it.) Ms. Chambers may or may not have been working with the same attorney in both schemes. We just don’t know. For federal investigation and prosecution purposes, these events are beyond the applicable statute of limitations.

The next scheme (of which we are aware) surfaces in this Ukrainian baby selling scheme. Here is how it worked.

Just as in the first scheme, Ms. Chambers advertised for “surrogates.” When a woman contacted her in response to an ad, she would readily explain that she operated her surrogacy programs “differently.” She would then explain to each prospective recruit, in detail and before the recruit actually traveled for any embryo transfer, exactly what would happen. (Since I firmly believe that Ms. Chambers grossly misrepresented the actual facts when referring to these programs as “surrogacies,” I will refer to the women she recruited as what they actually were – “birth mothers” – not surrogates.) She told each of them, with the support and affirmation of Ms. Neiman, that the process was completely legal.

According to one of the birth mothers, the birth mother would be tested only for STDs once she was accepted. There would be no other psychological screening, education, legal consultation, or preparation of the birth mother for the process. If the birth mother had no STDs, Ms. Chambers would typically meet her and fly with her to the selected fertility clinic in the Ukraine, where Ms. Chambers told the birth mother the physician would transfer “donated” embryos to her uterus. (In fact, the embryos were custom-created by Ms. Chambers through the clinic with egg and sperm donors whom Ms. Chambers personally selected. The embryos weren’t really “donated” at all.) On more than one occasion, Ms. Chambers, who is well over 40 years old, would also have embryos transferred to her in an effort to become pregnant, as well. After several days, Ms. Chambers and the birth mother would fly back home, where the birth mother would wait for three months to determine whether she would successfully carry a pregnancy as a result of the embryo transfer. If the birth mother was pregnant, then, and only then, would the conspirators advertise for parents to receive the baby.

During recruitment, the birth mothers sometimes asked Ms. Chambers and her conspirators various questions. The birth mothers asked what would happen if no parents stepped forward to receive the baby. They were told that there was a long list of parents waiting to receive children, that that simply never happened, and that they should not be concerned about that possibility. (Let’s be clear here. If, indeed, parents weren’t found, the resulting children would be the birth mother’s children and sole legal responsibility.) The birth mothers asked who would pay for the medical expenses related to their pregnancy before they were matched. They were told that they should submit all bills through their own insurance companies as if it was their own pregnancy (which, in fact, it was at this point, I suppose).

If a birth mother successfully completed the first trimester, the conspirators would “advertise” for prospective parents to receive the child. When prospective parents responded, they were told that the birth mother was a pregnant surrogate whose intended parents had backed out. They were also told that, for $100,000.00 or more, they could “step in” to this surrogacy and receive the baby who was already in gestation. At least a dozen sets of intended parents did so.

All of the birth mothers were told that they had to travel to California to deliver the baby. This gave the California courts jurisdiction over the parentage orders. Once the birth mothers gave birth in California, Ms. Erickson would knowingly and intentionally file false pleadings with the San Diego courts alleging the case was a surrogacy and seeking a prebirth parentage determination in favor of the prospective parents. Ms. Erickson would also knowingly and intentionally complete and submit false insurance application forms to obtain coverage for the hospital expenses incurred from the California Access for Infants and Mothers insurance program.

That Some Sources Claim Those Who Reported the Conspirators to the Authorities Were Self-Motivated.

I have heard rumblings from certain quarters that those who reported the conspirators’ activities to the authorities were “competitors” who sought to target Theresa Erickson out of self-interest simply to gain professional advantage. This could not be further from the truth. Again, let’s look at what actually happened.

I was sitting peacefully in my office at my desk when I received a call from another member of the ABA Assisted Reproductive Technology Committee, of which I am chair. This individual, who chooses to remain anonymous to this point, had been contacted by a prospective surrogate who asked questions about “another way” of becoming a “surrogate” mother. This prospective recruit then went on to describe the Ukrainian baby-selling scheme in detail to this other attorney.

The recruit not only described the baby-selling scheme, she forwarded volumes of emails to this attorney written between the recruit and Ms. Chambers in which Ms. Chambers also described the scheme and clearly named the other two persons involved – Ms. Erickson and Ms. Neiman. Ms. Erickson’s participation, in particular, alarmed this other attorney because Ms. Erickson was a very visible industry professional and an active member of our committee. The attorney, who believed the group’s activities were highly inappropriate, contacted me and forwarded to me all of the emails so I could assist this other attorney in determining an appropriate response to this information. This other attorney believed we should do something but did not know what to do.

After receiving this detailed information clearly implicating all three conspirators in the scheme, I spoke with the other attorney. I told this attorney that if my name came up in connection with questionable activity, I would want those involved to contact me personally to ask me directly to my face whether any allegations against me were true. Therefore, I told the other attorney that I was going to call Ms. Erickson and ask her personally about the scheme and her involvement in it, if any. The other attorney asked to be a silent participant in the call, so I called Ms. Erickson with the other attorney conferenced on the line.

When Ms. Erickson answered my call, I explained that information had come to me about a Ukrainian baby-selling scheme and that her name was clearly listed as the attorney who would do the parentage orders for the parents in California. I also explained that the emails were from Ms. Chambers, one of Ms. Erickson’s former surrogates. I told Ms. Erickson everything I knew, including that Ms. Chambers alleged that she was officing in Ms. Erickson office and that drugs were being sent to the prospective surrogates using Ms. Erickson’s office address. I clearly told Ms. Erickson that this scheme was inappropriate, if not illegal, and told her that if she was involved she should stop her activity immediately for the sake of the industry if not herself.

Ms. Erickson’s response to me was that she agreed that the scheme would be inappropriate but that she knew nothing about it and was not involved. She said that she had done one parentage order for Ms. Chambers, but it was a case in which there actually was a set of IPs who had backed out. She went on to say that if she knew Ms. Chambers was involved in such a scheme, she would immediately advise her to stop it. I asked for contact information for Ms. Chambers so I could also speak with her personally, which Ms. Erickson denied she had. I later asked Ms. Erickson to speak with Ms. Chambers and tell her to stop her activities. Ms. Erickson responded that she would “call” Ms. Chambers and do so.

After the call, the other attorney and I spoke. Beyond the inconsistent information about whether Ms. Erickson actually had contact information for Ms. Chambers, we agreed that there were other disconcerting inconsistencies in what she had told us. We agreed that there was a high likelihood that Ms. Erickson was lying to us about the scheme and her involvement.

A day or two after my call to Ms. Erickson, two emails were sent, one by Ms. Erickson and one by Ms. Chambers. Ms. Erickson’s was to me, essentially trying to encourage me not to mention her possible involvement in the scheme. It read as follows:

I just want you to be aware that I have made several phone calls and sent a few emails, and I would hope that solves some of the issues; however, at the same time, I would appreciate the professional courtesy of not implicating me in any way that may damage my reputation that I have worked so hard to develop and nurture, as I have done nothing wrong.

In fact, I have done the same for you many times despite things that have occurred, . . . and I would hope that any information that you discuss does not involve my name or create any innuendoes where they are not warranted. I understand that we are competitors; however, there is enough business for everyone, and I know that you understand how I do business.

(As you can see, Ms. Erickson was already creating the smoke-screen defense, which has now been adopted by her defenders, of “competitors” trying to wrongfully incriminate her for their own advantage.) Ms. Chambers’ email, which was forwarded to us by the prospective surrogate, was to every woman she had recruited as a “surrogate” in the scheme, and hers told them all to stop talking to anyone about the scheme because “some asshole attorney” was “sticking his nose” in their business. (I really took no offense, though.)

In light of the responses we received, the reporting attorney and I believed we could not do anything meaningful to stop the scheme. We did not have the authority or resources to investigate it, and we could not get the conspirators, through Ms. Erickson, to stop it of their own volition. The only option we had left was to report it to appropriate authorities.

In determining what to do, I continually referenced myself back to my professional obligation under the relevant rules of professional conduct governing me as an attorney. Those rules expressly state two things. First:

Maintaining The Integrity Of The Profession

Rule 8.4 Misconduct

It is professional misconduct for a lawyer to:

(a) violate or attempt to violate the Rules of Professional Conduct, knowingly assist or induce another to do so, or do so through the acts of another;

(b) commit a criminal act that reflects adversely on the lawyer’s honesty, trustworthiness or fitness as a lawyer in other respects;

(c) engage in conduct involving dishonesty, fraud, deceit or misrepresentation;

(d) engage in conduct that is prejudicial to the administration of justice;

Second:

Maintaining The Integrity Of The Profession

Rule 8.3 Reporting Professional Misconduct

(a) A lawyer who knows that another lawyer has committed a violation of the Rules of Professional Conduct that raises a substantial question as to that lawyer’s honesty, trustworthiness or fitness as a lawyer in other respects, shall inform the appropriate professional authority.

(Please notice the “shall” in the above rule. It isn’t optional. We didn’t have a choice.)

In addition to our professional responsibility, both the reporting attorney and I personally believed we had a moral obligation to protect the women whom the conspirators were recruiting into their scheme, the parents who were fraudulently induced to illegally buy the children, and the resulting children, as well as the ART industry as a whole. We did not want this scheme to continue and later become public in a way that showed we, as the industry, knew about it yet did nothing to stop it. It was our responsibility to do something, no matter how uncomfortable or unpalatable it was.

We could have reported the scheme to either the relevant lawyers’ boards of professional responsibility or, if, as I believed, there was national and international fraud involved, to the FBI. Because there were two different responsibility boards involved (California for Ms. Erickson and Maryland for Ms. Neiman), there was the risk that the investigations would not be coordinated in either time or scope. This created a greater possibility that the conspirators cover their tracks and deny responsibility. Those boards also could not do anything meaningful about Ms. Chambers’ involvement since she was not an attorney. Therefore, I decided we should go to the FBI to determine whether they would investigate the allegations based on the facts as I knew them.

When I contacted the Minnesota Bureau, the investigators were less than enthusiastic. Minnesota is not exactly an ART “hotspot,” and they viewed the conduct as originating in either California or Maryland. They told me to send a general inquiry addressed to their San Diego office and would not even give me a personal contact in that office. I was skeptical that such an inquiry would be successful, so I decided to contact Andrew Vorzimer because he had worked with San Diego law enforcement in previous industry issues (i.e. – SurroGenesis and others).

When I contacted Andy, I learned that he had been contacted separately about the scheme by another ART attorney whom the surrogate had retained to represent her in connection with a pregnancy related to the scheme. We both agreed that it made sense for Andy to initiate contact with the appropriate authorities in San Diego to see if they would investigate the allegations. I thought that this was the most fair course of action since the FBI could investigate the scheme in a unified fashion on both coasts and would do so confidentially. In addition, the FBI would actually exonerate Ms. Erickson and the others if, indeed, there was no illegal activity going on. Unfortunately, there was, and the investigation and the conspirators’ subsequent guilty pleas irrefutably confirmed it.

All of the ART attorneys involved in identifying and reporting this matter are, indeed, Ms. Erickson’s competitors in some fashion. We all practice in the same area for the same potential clients. However, NONE of the attorneys were ill-motivated by that competition to Ms. Erickson’s personal detriment in reporting this matter. Frankly, there is plenty of business for all of us, and most of us practice in different areas of the country. We simply had an overriding ethical obligation that we could not professionally or personally ignore. If we had ignored the information that was, literally, thrust upon us, we would have become personally complicit in the scheme as much as the conspirators themselves.

I wish I had not been one of the persons in our industry who received this information. I wish I had not been one of the ones who had to decide what to do and whether to do it. But I was. When the story broke more than a week ago, I told someone, “I don’t know whether to be happy or sad.” I am happy that we were able to successfully police our own industry. I am happy for the future birth mothers, parents, and children who will never become involved. I am sad, however, for the conspirators, the poor decisions they made, and the very real and very appropriate consequences they face. I am sad for them and their families. I am sad that our area was subjected to yet more negative publicity and scrutiny. I hope this never happens again. The only way to make that more likely is to have reported it as we did and for Ms. Erickson, Ms. Chambers, and Ms. Neiman to be appropriately punished. It is called accountability and deterrence.

Shame on anyone who is out there whispering that Ms. Erickson and the others were simply the unfortunate objects of the envy and conspiracy of her peers. Those whispers are based on misinformation and are the mere mutterings of those who are biased and woefully uninformed. Mr. Vorzimer, I, and all the other ART attorneys who brought this to light (as a collective industry group and not as mean-spirited individuals) behaved ethically and did exactly what should have been done. The only unethical behavior was that of the conspirators, and they have only themselves to blame for their circumstances and consequences. Let’s put the accountability where it truly belongs.

Would Be Surrogate Mothers Used In Human Trafficking Scheme

2011-08-13T21:53:00.000-07:00

So as news trickles in and I read more information on the now well known Theresa Erickson 'baby selling ring' I see that theories give way to the facts. Reading the LA Times tonight gives us all the perfect insight to how Erickson and others targeted surrogates as well as couples. It was not exactly as I imagined but in some ways worse!

Chatting with women on websites for surrogate mothers, Melissa Todd stumbled upon an unusual opportunity.

It required foreign travel — a quick trip to the Ukrainian city of Lviv to be impregnated using embryos created in vitro from sperm and eggs of donors. The pay was $38,000, nearly double what she had made the one previous time she had been a surrogate.

Most uncommon was the arrangement itself. Typically, a couple hires a surrogate to carry and deliver a child for them, but in this case Todd would become pregnant first. Parents would be found later.

Todd was 40 with four children of her own and didn't want to be left to raise another if parents couldn't be found. That wouldn't be a problem, the program's coordinator, Carla Chambers, told her: More than 45 couples were waiting for babies.

She was reassured to hear that prominent attorneys were involved: Theresa Erickson of San Diego County, whose specialty was reproductive law, and Hilary Neiman of Maryland, a name familiar to anyone on surrogacy message boards.

A call to Neiman put any doubts to rest. "She assured me that everything Carla was doing was legal," Todd said.
A month later, in January 2010, Todd met Chambers in Ukraine, where embryos were implanted in both women.

It would take six months for Todd to learn that she had been recruited into a criminal enterprise — and months more for the FBI to collect enough evidence to break it up. Over the last few weeks, Erickson, Neiman and Chambers have pleaded guilty in federal court in connection with what prosecutors described as a "baby-selling ring."

The pot was sweetened by more money that is normally offered. I know that some say that an all inclusive package often can offer a higher fee then average however the payments are meant to be monthly and not in a lump sum. Even those women who questioned the process were told by trusted reproductive attorneys that it was all legal and therefore believed!

Albaugh, then 34, was also comforted to learn that another prospective surrogate, 29-year-old Kimberley Schooley from Missouri, would be flying to Ukraine with her.

Schooley, a grocery store cashier with five children, had also tried surrogacy for another couple and failed. "I was super-excited to go," she said.

Her mother, a nurse, warned her that the arrangement didn't sound right, but Schooley said, "I researched [Erickson] on the Internet and found tons of articles ranting and raving about the work she does."

Yes, there was (and probably still are) "tons of articles" on the great work Theresa Erickson has done. Her radio show was well respected and she was a sought after speaker at conferences and seminars within the Infertility Feild. What was not to trust?

But here we are talking about suckering women into the sale of babies they were carrying..human trafficking. It is far from surrogacy in so many ways but yet these women thought they were, indeed, surrogate mothers. They were told that they would be surrogates for Intended Parents...people who thought they were not buying a baby but saving a surrogacy arrangement. They signed 'surrogate agreements' and told their families that they were Gestational Surrogates. Told their husbands, their kids, their own mothers and fathers, their friends.

I can't help but feel sick at the plea bargain of wire fraud. Really? This is SO much more!

When Surrogates are Used for Mega Profit~Protecting Yourself from a "Next Time" Crime

2011-08-11T22:04:00.000-07:00

In light of what has happened with the Theresa Erickson case and the alleged "baby selling ring" I feel compelled to write something. Yes it was all very shocking and others have written long and eloquent blog posts. You can read two of them here; first from The Stirrup Queen and then take a look at the Fertility Advocate. You can see from the comments that this is a super hot topic.

But what I want to focus on here, in my post, are the surrogates. I was a surrogate twice. How would I feel if I had inadvertently fallen for a scheme like this? Sick, worried, tainted, used....the list goes on. Then I might start questioning all of my instincts and wonder how my gift of helping intended parents ended up in a scam that allowed other people to make huge amounts of money...by selling the baby 'I' carried! A real felony where lawyers (and others) lose their licenses to practice and face time in prison.

How can we trust those out there matching women who want to be surrogates with Intended Parents now? Just between you and me...here are my thoughts from the heart.

First of all this crime is not the norm! It's like an airplane crash that hits the news and shocks the nation....this story is everywhere we turn but the reality is that this kind of plot is so rare that of course it will seem larger then life. The majority of professionals within the Third Party Family Building arena are honest, trustworthy, dedicated and ethical. I have been in this field for over a decade and have worked with a lot of attorneys, agency's, clinics and mental health professionals and never have I heard of a scheme like this happening in the USA.

Second, when you are looking to become a surrogate know the facts about the process. Don't rush in blindly! If you know what the average fee is then your radar will certainly go up once you hear of something that sounds too good to be true!

- $38,000 to $45,000 base fee is too high for a first time surrogate. It would be unusual for a 2nd time surrogate as well.

-Not meeting your IP's before your transfer is very unusual. Or, in the case of international/out of state couples there are often phone calls and e-mails. A bond is formed that way and soon after the transfer you should expect to meet them in person. If you are uncomfortable then insist on a meeting before the transfer!

-Traveling to another country to become pregnant is not usually expected. If the embryos are not FDA approved (due to testing before freezing) then IP's will have to start over here with egg retrieval's and required testing.

-Asking a surrogate to stay out of the country until the second trimester is certainly a crazy notion especially when surrogates have their own families to take care of here at home.

-Not having a psychological evaluation is unheard of and should be insisted upon.

These are just a few of the red flags that the surrogates in this case should have been aware of. And I believe, in some cases, were ignored.

My final point is that we need to educate ourselves on the tried and true surrogacy guidelines and not sweep crimes like this 'Surrogacy Scandal' under the rug but rather learn from it. We can ask educated questions of those we chose to work with, and continue to trust in our own judgment. Surrogacy is a beautiful gift. Lets not allow it to be tainted by a few bad apples.

Sharon LaMothe
Infertility Answers, Inc.
http://infertilityanswers.org/
LaMothe Services, LLC
http://lamotheservices.com/
LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting
http://lamothesurrogacyconsulting.com/

Commercial or 'Paid' Surrogacy is STILL Not Legal in WA State

2011-08-08T07:24:00.000-07:00

I know that many have been misinformed regarding WA state and the new laws. Commercial or Paid surrogacy is STILL not legal in WA state. I testified on the bill this year and last year. What happened is that the senate took everything surrogacy out of the HB 1267 bill and kept in the domestic partner portion in it and that is what passed. Here is a link of the summery to that final HB 1267 bill that will become effective July 22. Lets hope that next year offers a better solution for those needing surrogates here in the great North West!

A Tribute to Compassionate Surrogacy

2011-07-31T08:30:00.000-07:00

Aren’t all women who volunteer to become surrogates/carriers considered “compassionate”? Most are but because money is involved the altruistic part is often overlooked and the focus becomes more financial. However, there are women out there who are willing to carry a baby for another couple/individual because they feel compassion….sympathy even, for the plight of the Intended Parent. This doesn’t diminish because financial compensation is included in their contracts.

Lets look at the true ‘compassionate’ surrogate. A woman who may be a sister, sister-in-law, cousin, niece, or friend of a couple in need. She has had her own children and realizes that the joy she experiences through the family she has given birth to will not happen for someone close to her unless she steps in and volunteers her uterus…her entire body really, to help them create the family that they need to feel complete. She isn’t asking for money, but she should expect her expenses to be taken care of by the couple she is helping…what this may include are health insurance, medical co-pays, travel expenses, lost wages, child care, legal consultation, out of pocket expenses for over the counter medications and possibly maternity clothing. This alone can be a burden on any Intended Parent but what needs to be recognized is that these expenses, among others, would be theirs in any case if, in fact, they were using Assisted Reproductive Technology and carrying their own child.

Most ‘compassionate’ surrogates or carriers are known relatives or friends of the Intended Parents. It would be nice to think that a woman would offer this wonderful gift to someone in need but unknown to her and her family however, the thought of being taken advantage of comes into play. Even surrogates/carriers who are compensated sometimes feel used during this emotionally charged process.

What about compensated surrogacy? First, lets look at the two types of surrogacy. Traditional Surrogacy, where the woman not only carries the baby, but is genetically related because she is also using her own eggs. She is impregnated using the medical procedure inter uterine insemination (IUI) with the sperm of the Intended Father or donor sperm. She is the biological mother and she essentially gives her baby up for adoption to the Intended Parents she has agreed to help. (Step parent adoption is most common in this case). Second, is a Gestational Carrier, a woman NOT related to the baby at all, who is impregnated via an in vitro fertilization (IVF) procedure using the Intended parents embryos, donated embryos or embryos made from either/or sperm and egg donations. Because there is no biological connection, most surrogate friendly states allow the Intended Parents names to be placed directly on the birth certificate and there is no need for an adoption procedure.

Compensated surrogates/carriers receive a ‘base fee’ which is often based on how experienced she is, where she lives, if she has heath insurance that will cover the prenatal care and delivery and what the average person receives through the agency she works with. Intended parents can expect to pay between eighteen thousand to twenty two thousand for an inexperienced, first time surrogate/carrier. This is not to say that she has never had any children of her own, only she has never carried a baby for someone else. As a matter of fact, one of the many basic requirements of any woman wanting to become a surrogate or carrier is that she have given birth to at least one baby and that the pregnancy was relativity uncomplicated. (C-sections are ok but often limited to three in most cases.) This base fee is over and above what a ‘compassionate’ surrogate/carrier would receive.

One of the many joys that surrogates/carriers gain from this experience is the knowledge that their gift is so huge and life changing that it’s impossible to know how it will affect the rest of humanity. Bringing any child into this world is truly an awe inspiring experience. Not only does surrogacy turn individuals into parents but parents into grandparents, brothers and sisters into uncles and aunts, and adding to the family tree by becoming cousins, nieces and nephews. The bigger picture is what will these ‘surrogate’ babies, (children, teenagers, and adults) bring to our world? These children may not have existed if not for a woman who had the calling to carry a child for another person. This is an amazing sacrifice for any one woman but for the compassionate surrogate/carrier it means just a little bit more for she has not asked for an extra dime in return for her time and sacrifice, not to mention the inconvenience her immediate family has had to live with during the entire surrogacy process. All surrogates/carriers deserve to be honored and respected for all that they do to assist their Intended Parents in reaching their dreams of having a baby and the ‘compassionate’ surrogate should feel extra proud of her contributions because she volunteered not only with her body but with her heart and soul.

Sharon LaMothe
Infertility Answers, Inc.
http://infertilityanswers.org/
LaMothe Services, LLC
http://lamotheservices.com/
*Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

When can we CELEBRATE?!?!

2011-07-26T08:00:00.000-07:00

I know that my blogs have been jumping all over the place but honestly, when a topic hits, it hits hard! I might talk to an IP or an old friend or I may read someone's blog and say to myself 'I need to write about that!" An so here I am writing about Celebrating....celebrating an egg retrieval gone GOOD...celebrating more then one embryo growing by leaps and bounds in that little petri dish...a successful transfer....a positive HPT....just celebrating.

But Wait!

Surrogates, do you ever think how hard it actually is for Intended Parents to really celebrate? Most of the time these IP's have been through years of grief and struggle and during that time might have experienced periods where they did indeed celebrate the small milestones leading up to a full blown pregnancy only to be disappointed with a BFN from the Beta (or HPT or the embryos died). How hard is that to take over and over and over again? And then they choose surrogacy and there is hope...but not celebration. At least not the type 'we' feel there should be. All that grief and struggle and sadness and failure turns into FEAR when they hear that there is a real pregnancy. The IP's live in the fear that somehow all of this new joy could be taken away in the blink of an eye. Because they have seen it happen before...to them and to others like them!

Maybe we expect the celebration to start at some point during the pregnancy like at the 20 week mark or a month before the due date or even at the birth. I have heard surrogates wonder out loud where is the enthusiasm? Please give your IP's time. The joy will come, the celebration will last for the rest of their lives just as soon as they except the reality that THIS TIME 'it' worked! They really are parents!! And for now, let YOUR Joy shine through!

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Summer Reading! Budgeting for Infertility By Evelina Weidman Sterling & Angie Best-Boss : A LaMothe Book Review

2011-07-15T08:30:00.000-07:00

Especially important in our current financial crisis, Budgeting for Infertility is a timely and accurate depiction of what it takes to pay for Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) to complete a family. I found this book not only assists with budgeting but also educating Intended Parents on all aspects of ART including treatment terms, how to choose a clinic, finding affordable fertility medications, understanding the financial options and even exploring adoption. I especially liked reading the comments from Intended Parents who know first hand what it's like to travel down the road of infertility treatments. I highly recommend this book for anyone starting out, or even in the middle of their own personal infertility journey. Well worth buying and passing along.

Synopsis
Having a baby can be one of the most wonderful times of your life -- but if you need help to conceive, it can swiftly become a staggeringly expensive undertaking. With the average cost of infertility treatments ranging from $35,000 to $85,000 in the United States (most of which is not covered by insurance companies), many women and couples find themselves having to make difficult choices about building their families.
Getting a grip on your finances is one of the few things you can do to regain control of this process. Infertility experts Evelina Weidman Sterling and Angie Best-Boss have created the ultimate guide to ensuring the most cost-effective care with the highest chances for success. With anecdotes, interviews, and advice from both doctors and patients, you can easily apply these specific money-saving strategies to your own unique situation.

Learn how to:
- Select a fertility clinic with a high rate of success
- Convince your insurance company to cover more of the costs
- Track down the most affordable fertility drugs
- Travel abroad for cheaper care or international surrogacy
- Avoid the scams and unnecessary expenses every step of the way
Personal and professional, Budgeting for Infertility is an invaluable resource that shows you how to pay for infertility treatment...and still have money in the bank for diapers and day care.

Sharon LaMothe
http://infertilityanswers.org/

Co-Pay Babies and Other Phrases

2011-07-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

I am one of the millions guilty of giving birth to a Co-Pay baby...actually I had two! The real phrase-ology here is Co-Payment Cost Baby but I like mine shortened and sweet. If you haven't heard this before it basically means that the only money that your kid(s) cost you was the co-payment (from conception to birth) I had 2 of my own on this plan and let me tell you it IS cheaper and easier then IVF or any ART treatment. Duh! For my son and first born the only reason we shelled out any money at all was because 22 years ago 'they' considered circumcision to be a form of cosmetic surgery! (I am glad my son doesn't read this because I think I just told the world that he was circumcised!) 'They' are the Insurance Company. And we paid the hospital $100.00. The End!

I also gave birth to four, let me get this right, Beta Babies: children conceived through fertility treatment. In other words, their parents (and surrogates) know their first and second beta numbers....and sometimes third! Maybe some of us become surrogates because we feel guilty for the ability to have the Co-Pay Babies and we search high and low through the "land of infertility" for a person or couple who will allow us to help them and make all their "secret hope stories" come true. I am getting all of my words here from Glossary of All of My Made-up Words http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/ in case you don't have enough of your own. But I am telling you that there is a lot to be said for the cost of giving birth to a dream...(my phrase)!

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Summer Reading! Delivering Hope: The Exraordinary Journey of a Surrogate Mom by Pamela MacPhee: A LaMothe Book Review

2011-06-28T08:32:00.000-07:00

Delivering Hope: The Exraordinary Journey of a Surrogate Mom by Pamela MacPhee is truly inspiring. Although her story starts in 2000, little has changed within the surrogacy world especially for those carrying for their relatives. As Pam is telling her own story she is also sharing the very important steps needed to start and complete such a venture. She very candidly tells of her medical and psychological screenings, legal proceedings, the medications and embryo transfer as well as her relationship with her cousin and his wife plus other family and friends. Although not every woman who has ever experienced surrogacy has the same tale to tell, any reader will get an exceptional overview of all that surrogacy entails. Being a past Gestational Carrier myself (twice), I can honestly say that each surrogacy experience has it's own challenges and rewards!

How important is BMI?? (Body Mass Index)

2011-06-20T08:30:00.000-07:00

I am sorry to post this right before summer officially starts...but our BMI (Body Mass Index) is something that we all have to watch. Most women, who are qualified in every other way, are turned down to become surrogate carriers/mothers because of their BMI being over 30. (and in some cases under 18). Please click on the link below to calculate your BMI. You might be surprised at the number that pops up!

BMI Categories:
Normal weight = 18.5-24.9
Overweight = 25-29.9
Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater

http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/bminojs.htm BMI Calculator

Sharon LaMothe

Infertility Answers, Inc.

http://infertilityanswers.org/

Research It: You Want to be a Surrogate or Egg Donor

2011-06-12T08:00:00.000-07:00

Maybe you saw a TV program, read a magazine article, or saw a newspaper story regarding surrogacy or egg donation. Maybe you know a couple that shared with you the fact that they can't have children, commenting on how lucky YOU are. Perhaps you know someone else who was a surrogate or egg donor. No matter what prompted you to consider becoming a surrogate or egg donor the fact is there is a lot of research that needs to be done before you can be certain that ART is for you.

Knowing what is expected of you and your partner is of vital importance. You can research ART on the computer, at the library, call an agency, contact an ART attorney's office, or a clinic. I suggest the computer first. There is so much that you need to know and gathering information online will help you to ask the "right" questions when you actually talk to a professional. Getting pregnant via IVF is NOT THAT EASY! The first thing that some women think is ' my pregnancies were so easy', or 'all my husband has to do is look at me and I get pregnant' or ' how hard can it be? Transferring pre-made embryos is practically a guarantee with me!' Oh contraire, my dear!

SO much more is involved becomming pregnant using IVF. Infertility Answers, LLC - What are a Surrogates Medical Responbilities? There is so much to know before you subject yourself to an egg donation. Infertility Answers, LLC - Before you give Consent to Donate Eggs Bringing a life into this world for another family carries so many responsibilities and sacrifices. Researching all aspects of ART before committing will help you face the challenges that will be waiting for you if you decide to move forward.

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Breast Milk....Can I Nurse My Baby After Surrogacy or Adoption?

2011-06-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

All Intended Parents dream of the best for their baby to be which is why they care so much about what their surrogate does during the pregnancy. What she eats, where she works, where she travels, what she's exposed to and how she is handling the pregnancy. It's natural to want to continue the trend and want the best nutrition for their baby. Can the Intended Mother can provide her own breast milk? Lets talk about inducing lactation:

Lactation involves two hormones. Prolactin is considered the milk-making hormone while oxytocin is the hormone responsible for releasing breast milk. Both of these hormones are controlled by the pituitary gland and are therefore not ovarian hormones. This means that even a woman who has undergone a hysterectomy can induce lactation.

Inducing lactation can take anywhere from 5 days to 4 months, so expecting mothers often begin to induce lactation during the third trimester of a surrogate pregnancy. Inducing lactation should only be attempted with the guidance of a pediatrician, lactation consultant and/or doctor.

Breastfeeding a baby delivered by a surrogate birth should thus be viewed as a bonding experience. Mothers should not worry about the amount of milk produced, but rather focus on the benefits of the closeness which breastfeeding brings.

The above information was gathered from Surrogacy and Breastfeeding: Inducing Lactation. You can also visit Infertility Answers, LLC - All About Breast Milk for information on shipping and storing breast milk. Below are a few other sites you might consider visiting as well!

Induced Laction
Ask Lenore ~ Breastfeeding ~ Induced Lactation ~ Introduction to the Protocols for Induced Lactation
Is It Possible To Induce Lactation

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Unexplained Infertility Resolved for One 97 Year Old Woman

2011-05-25T08:00:00.000-07:00

She was 97 and having an ultrasound done for maybe the 2nd time in her life. Her granddaughter was standing next to her worried and asking the technician all kinds of questions as the tech checked to see if the fall the older woman had taken had broken any pelvic bones or had caused any internal damage. Already it was determined that the left hip was broken and would need surgery.

As the wand glided over a flat abdomen the tech, seemingly speaking to herself, "Well, your uterus is really tipped". The granddaughter looked at her grandmother in surprise and then asked the technician if that would be a good reason why her grandmother (in her much younger years) couldn't become pregnant. And, of course, the answer was a resounding "Yes!" Apparently it was tipped THAT much!

So at age 97 a woman finally found out, after adopting one son, living through a couple of world wars, a man landing on the moon, welcoming three grandchildren into the world, outliving her husband, moving in with her granddaughter and losing her only son, why she never became pregnant. After years of trying and years of acceptance a mystery was solved. The wonder of the unexplained infertility was over...and a peace of mind was had.

My grandmother lived to be 100 years old and died peacefully in her sleep in 1999 while I was carrying twins as a Gestational Surrogate. She is still greatly missed by all!

Sharon LaMothe
Infertility Answers, Inc.
http://infertilityanswers.org/
LaMothe Services, LLC
http://lamotheservices.com/

Advice for Husbands in Supporting Your Wife’s Decision to be a Surrogate Mother

2011-05-15T12:33:00.000-07:00

“You Want to be a What?”

So, dear husband, your wife just said that she was thinking about helping another couple with achieving their family dreams, and you casually turned slightly toward her, while your eyes were still fixed on the college game, and you said “that’s nice honey”. Then she used the s-word, surrogate, and you choked on your adult beverage. Unprepared, you spat out “you want to be a what!?” She quickly threw comforting phrases at you like “it’s only 9 months” and “my body will recover” and “our kids will understand”, intending to make you feel better, and you realized this would test your relationship. What will you say next?

Let me assure you that I know how you feel in your situation, having faced it twice myself. In case you’re curious, the second time was even harder! Luckily, I have genetics that actually allow my gray matter to churn some thought before my mouth opens and so, I let her talk it out before I responded. It was actually pretty easy once I took a deep breath, or maybe several, and just started with an internal dialogue of “ok, big strong husband, what does she need from you right now?”

The obvious answer was patience and support. Has she supported your move away from all her family and friends for a new career? Did she manage the home for 16 hours a day while you went back to school to get that degree? Here’s your chance to be a good man and support her on something that is really important to her, and very important to another family. And have backbone in front of her parents, and when telling your parents, and with any well-intentioned friends that point out all the things that could go wrong. Why am I giving you this advice? You may ask. Because, if you choose to support her, your relationship with grow stronger, your marriage will last, and a new family may be created from her gift.

Joe LaMothe
(Surrogate Husband and Supporter)

Spotlight on The Donor Sibling Registry

2011-04-20T07:00:00.000-07:00

I wanted to send out a brief shout out to the Donor Sibling Registry. Below is information from the front page of the DSR website:

The Donor Sibling Registry (DSR) was created in September 2000 by Wendy Kramer and her son Ryan. Certain that other donor offspring would have the same curiosity as Ryan about his genetic origins - yet also knowing that sadly, no public outlet existed for mutual consent contact between people born from anonymous sperm donation, this site was started as the logical next step to making those connections.

In addition to the registered members, several thousand people check the site regularly. The DSR averages more than 10,000 unique visitors to the site each month and is a worldwide organization, matching people in the US, Austria, Denmark, England, Canada, Australia, Bolivia, Brazil, Finland, France, Germany, Hong Kong, Israel, Luxembourg, Korea, New Zealand, Norway, S. Africa, Sweden, Ireland, Columbia and Switzerland.

The focus of the DSR is to assist individuals conceived as a result of sperm, egg or embryo donation who are seeking to make mutually desired contact with others with whom they share genetic ties. This may include:

Their own or their child's half-siblings

Their own or their child's sperm or egg donor

Their own genetic offspring

The DSR fully supports openness, honesty and the acknowledgement of these family connections. We realize, however, that some folks may want to remain anonymous while sharing important medical or genetic information with their fellow "donor families". For these people, we suggest using a throw away untraceable email address.

Check it out! DSR has been invited to speak at the 14th World Congress on Human Reproduction in Melbourne, December 3rd!

Thank you Wendy for all you do!

Prenatal Depression: You are not alone!

2011-04-06T15:23:00.000-07:00

Although a surrogacy pregnancy is a bit different from having your own baby, some of the issues below can be a factor in how you feel during your pregnancy. You may be worried that you won't get pregnant at all after all the money that has already been spent thus far. You may have confused thoughts regarding a surrogacy pregnancy that you didn't expect. No matter what the issue getting the support you need during and after your pregnancy is key!

Sharon

Prenatal Depression
You're not alone.
By Robin Elise Weiss, LCCE

We often hear talk of postpartum depression or the baby blues, which occurs shortly after the birth of a baby. Though we rarely discuss depression that occurs during pregnancy or prenatal depression. There are estimates that as many as 70 of women will experience symptoms of depression during pregnancy, making it a wide spread concern. However, these depressive symptoms are often more minor than a full flown diagnostic depression which is typically only seen in about 10-15 of pregnant women.

While hormones are often blamed for many of the mood swings and other emotional and psychological happenings in pregnancy they are only one part of the picture when it comes to pregnancy and depression. Sometimes the stress of pregnancy brings on depressive symptoms, even when the pregnancy was planned. These feeling might intensify if the pregnancy is complicated or unplanned or if life itself is stressful.

Other know stress causing factors are sometimes brought on simply because of the changes that pregnancy potentially brings like moving to a new house or apartment to increase space or to have a more baby-friendly environment. Sometimes this might mean career changes for one or both parents. These things typically cause stress and potentially depression and are frequent occurrences in pregnancy.

The real problem with depression in pregnancy can have a negative impact on good prenatal care, particularly in the areas of nutrition, sleep habits, exercise and following care instructions from the doctor or midwife. Substance abuse, including alcohol and cigarette smoking, also tends to be higher in pregnant women who report depression. There are also the factors that we commonly think of as risks for prenatal depression such as a higher risk of suicide.

Women report that the most troubling problem for them is often the feeling of disassociation with the baby.

"I simply feel detached," reports one depressed mom-to-be. "We planned this pregnancy and I'm so confused, I expected to be happy. But it's this awful cycle of depression. I feel depressed because I'm depressed."

Many of the signs of depression mimic pregnancy symptoms. It can be hard to determine what is normal fatigue in pregnancy and what is depression. This can lead to an underreporting of the problem. There is also a tendency of people to ignore depression in pregnancy simply because this is supposed to be a happy time in life, this includes the pregnant woman herself.

Signs of Depression

Problems concentrating
Problems with sleeping
Fatigue
Changes in eating habits
Feeling anxious
Irritability
Feeling blue

Treatment during pregnancy involves several avenues. Developing your support network is extremely valuable. Having yourself surrounded by supportive individuals that you know can be beneficial, particularly if they have experienced the same feelings. Talking to a professional or psychotherapy can be very beneficial, particularly since there are major changes going on during pregnancy. Medications can also be used during pregnancy under the care of a practitioner who has experience with using antidepressants and other medications during the course of pregnancy and breastfeeding.

The key to preventing problems that stem from depression in pregnancy, which may also increase the likelihood of postpartum depression, is getting the support and help you need as soon as you realize that you are experiencing a problem. With more than two out of three pregnant women having depressive symptoms it's important to recognize that you are not alone and that help is available. Talk to your doctor or midwife if you are in need of help or reach out to other organizations.

Tonight is the Night for a Romantic Walk Under a Full Moon!

2011-03-19T06:36:00.000-07:00

Romance is not dead even though this blog mostly focuses on infertility and third party family building! I wanted to remind everyone that TONIGHT, SATURDAY, there is a full moon to be seen and enjoyed! It should be especially large and bright as it will be near its perigee, its closest point to the Earth!

Enjoy!

Sharon

Olympia: Surrogate Mothers Are Not For Sale

2011-03-16T15:32:00.000-07:00

Another trip to Olympia yesterday for the public hearing on HB 1267 to legalize surrogacy in the great state of WA. This time there were many people and groups in opposition to the bill...some wearing bright orange NOT FOR SALE stickers (men as well as women). I wanted to stand up and say that no one is for sale here but that would have landed on ears attached to a mind that was already made up. I learned first hand by trying to have a conversation with Senator Pam Roach. She is the mother of 5 and I believe has 13 grandchildren and has no intention, it seems, to vote yes on HB 1267. Upon hearing the little "vignettes" (her words) she seemed to be an active listener but those true experiences, as told from the Intended Parents point of view, didn't seem as important as her own agenda. One of many statements she made was that because heterosexual couples are required to have a medical reason to "pay" a surrogate then so should homosexuals. (Even the NOT FOR SALE people around me snickered at this for obvious reasons.) She also asked if the bill covered the carrying of "cloned embryos". Yes, we really went there...briefly.

Rep. Jamie Pedersen with Jon and Jennifer

There was also a mother and her son testifying, Jennifer and Jon, and they both did a wonderful job of explaining why a surrogate was needed to bring Jon into the world. I was really impressed by Jon's willingness to speak up for surrogacy and I know from previous testimony that this family has a loving friendship with their surrogate and family in CA.

Some of the people featured in this Seattle Times report from Monday March 14th were at this public hearing. Although this article states that I think the bill "goes overboard" that isn't the case. There are quite a few provisions in this HB 1267 that you would see in a very well written contract between surrogates and intended parents. Those same issues are simply reiterated here, however the one thing I would remove from this bill is the entire section pertaining to Traditional Surrogacy. (Where a woman uses her own eggs.) I just feel that the state is borrowing trouble with the way it is worded here. Traditional Surrogacy, in my opinion belongs under the adoption laws. (But that's just me...)

I am hoping that this bill at least makes it to the senate floor for a vote...that didn't happen last year. And if it doesn't pass this year there is always next but that is cold comfort to those who need surrogates now and really don't have the means to travel out of state.

Don't Forget! Set Your Clocks Ahead Before You Go To BED!

2011-03-12T06:45:00.000-08:00

Yes it's that time again!! Just a friendly reminder from Infertility Answers and LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting to Spring a hour ahead and set your clocks before bed TONIGHT!

(Officially clocks are to be changed by 2 am on Sunday March 13th)

It's Time to Register for START ART (formally SMART ART)

2011-03-11T07:20:00.000-08:00

Infertility is a challenging and rewarding field of nursing, and one that is evolving rapidly and dramatically, requiring nurses and other healthcare practitioners to constantly remain current with the latest state-of–the ART technology. Those in practice, as well as nurses in transition, accept that this ever changing arena requires an ongoing commitment to pursue new information, techniques, and best practices. And, equal in priority, is the IVF nurse’s sensitivity to parents’ quest to create families and the fragility of early embryonic life.

The Annual REI Nursing Congress: Scientific & Therapeutic Approaches To Assisted Reproductive Technology (STARTARTSM) provides a unique and comprehensive educational opportunity, featuring critical updates on the latest advances in reproductive medicine, from procedures and protocols to psychosocial and legal issues. The goal of this Congress is to provide late-breaking information and cutting-edge techniques to improve ART outcomes - a goal that is matched by the IVF nurses’ skills, compassion, and caring that make this field so remarkable.

This activity is intended for the education of nurses, nurse practitioners, and other healthcare professionals specializing in reproductive medicine and assisted reproductive technology. (It's great for surrogacy and egg donation agency owners too!)

During lunch on both Thursday, August 4 and Friday, August 5, participants will have the opportunity to join accredited sessions of interactive roundtable discussions. Topics will be posted at the meeting registration desk, where participants may sign up for discussions of issues of special interest. A moderator or faculty member will lead each group. (I am, once again, planning to lead a round table on the topic of Gestational Surrogacy.)

Register HERE https://www.123enroll.com/STARTART
I hope to see you there!!
Sharon

Surrogates Could Make Profit Off Having Babies...I Am Not So Sure!

2011-03-08T10:46:00.000-08:00

Here is the video of the interview I did with King 5 News here in Seattle WA yesterday. After 45 minutes and some great sound bites it's all about the 'profit'.

Guess what! There is no real profit! Lets say a Gestational Carrier/Surrogate Mother has agreed to a total of $24,000.00 of 'living expenses' in her contract with her Intended Parents. Once she is pregnant she is usually compensated monthly. If she doesn't spend all of that monthly money on food, maternity clothing, child care, travel expenses (gas, parking), missed work, labor classes, and other pregnancy related issues, IF she has any 'left over' is that considered a profit? What about her TIME at all of those appointments, her effort in staying healthy, her phone calls to the IPs to keep them informed, her discomfort during the early days of her pregnancy with morning sickness and the later months when she can't even tie her shoes? What about the birth and the hospital stay? If we take all of that into consideration there is NO PROFIT!

I would love to hear what you think! Send me an e-mail or post a comment! Your thoughts are important!

Looking for an Affordable Surrogacy Consultant? Check out LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting, LLC

2011-03-03T09:17:00.000-08:00

LaMothe Surrogacy Consultants are dedicated to giving Intended Parents and Surrogates the education and tools needed to make knowledgeable and fact based decisions regarding their Third Party Family Building Options. The old adage 'you don't know what you don't know' is very true in the case of surrogacy arrangements. Deciphering all of the overwhelming information, surrogacy programs, laws, and relationship concerns are what our expert consultants are trained to do. They will take the stress of figuring out how this 'whole thing works'.

The key to many Intended Parents success in utilizing surrogacy as a family planning option is their Private In (your) Home Surrogacy Consulting which is offered to those who reside in Seattle, Washington, Rochester, New York, and Orlando, Florida (and surrounding areas for an additional travel fee). This comprehensive program is for those who desire to have the Surrogacy Process explained in the comfort and privacy of your own home. This program includes up to five hours of in-person consultation for up to 4 people and the materials to help with the decision to move forward with a Third Party Family Building Plan.

LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting is NOT a matching service. They do not match Intended Parents, Recipient Couples or Singles with Traditional Surrogates, Gestational Carriers or Egg and Sperm Donors. Instead LSC prepare Couples and Singles, based on individual needs, to find their way through the maze of Third Party Family Building Options. LSC works to provide information and education on how the surrogacy process works, who are the professionals that Intended Parents will meet and hire and the questions that they need to ask during each step of the surrogacy journey.

A Practical New Book for Insomniacs: Master Your Sleep Posted by Guest Blogger Christina Grant, Ph.D

2011-02-26T07:18:00.000-08:00

An informative new book is on the market about sleep, it’s importance, why we don’t get enough, and what we can do about it. In Master Your Sleep: Proven Methods Simplified, author Tracey Marks, MD, tells us that more than one third of Americans – over 100 million people - have clinically-diagnosed sleep disorders!

What has happened in our society where people cannot rest properly? There are more folks awake in the middle of the night than we can imagine, tossing and turning, staring at the ceiling, chronically sleep-challenged.

We know that many more than this 100 million have occasional or frequent bouts of insomnia, causing frustration and even dread. Aside from a sense of helplessness, what is this doing to one’s ability to think clearly, be alert, and have energy throughout the day? To keep the immune system functioning? How are these millions managing on the job? Emotionally?

Dr. Marks says insomnia is underlying many quality of life issues such as anxiety and burnout. It also puts people at risk for weight gain, diabetes, heart disease, compromised mental abilities, and shortened lifespan.

What are your options if you are one of the 100 million with a bona fide sleep disorder? Or, even if you are an occasional insomniac? Pills aren’t the definitive answer. If taking sleep medication worked over time, returning you to the type of sleep required for good health and mental balance, the problem would be easier to solve. But this isn’t the case. Pharmaceutical and over-the-counter drugs have their drawbacks, as do natural and herbal remedies.

In her new book, Master Your Sleep, Dr. Marks outlines numerous simple methods that support the body to fall asleep at bedtime and wake up refreshed. She has an easy-to-read, straightforward style with a refreshingly sensible and practical approach. Her prescription for a “sleep hygiene” program encourages the body and mind to accept a more healthful sleep pattern. As an added bonus for parents, she discusses what to do if your children have sleep troubles.

I always appreciate an expert that can offer sound advice with the goal of addressing underlying issues. That is what Dr. Marks does in her new book. So, for those of you who find yourself looking up at the dark ceiling more often than you care to, get a copy of Master Your Sleep: Proven Methods Simplified and follow the advice of Dr. Marks. Meanwhile, consider doing my favorite of her suggestions: take the laptop out of the bedroom and keep your computer activities in another room.

Christina Grant, Ph.D., is a specialist in Holistic Healing, Intuitive Guidance, and Energy Balancing. She has helped thousands of people transform physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. A widely published author, she also hosted Monterey’s "Health Connections" radio program and is frequently interviewed on radio and television about various aspects of holistic healing. Contact Dr. Grant at 831-236-1171 or learn more by visiting www.christinagrant.com.

Unto The Hills by Billy Graham A LaMothe Book Review

2011-02-19T07:50:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, when things look bleak, a daily devotional can come in handy....

Billy Graham's Unto The Hills has "Drawn from more than 40 years of study and ministry, this devotional classic offers 365 meditations to calm the soul and point toward the One who can always help. A day-by-day guide for quiet reflection and prayer from the nation's most beloved spiritual leader."

Having quoted that from an editorial review my own thoughts are that although this devotional is an easy read especially if you are on a busy schedule and just want a quick verse and some inspiration to start your day, its not really modernized for the families living in today's fast paced world. One page for each day and a quick suggested prayer at the bottom of the page often leads to the question 'how can I apply this to my life NOW?' It's a little preachy in places but then again Unto The Hills was written by Billy Graham!

I think this is a perfect book for a Christian who is 'old school' and I plan on making a gift of it to my Aunt who is soon to be 94.

* Thank you to the publisher of Unto The Hills, Thomas Nelson, as part of the BookSneeze program, for sending me a copy of this book for review. All opinions expressed are my own.

Natural Antibiotics: The Healthier Alternative by Guest Blogger Christina Grant, PhD.

2011-02-11T07:28:00.000-08:00

Though negative information about antibiotics is widespread, many people continue to think they’re necessary for colds, flu, and respiratory infections. Antibiotics don’t work on viral or fungal infections, they destroy beneficial flora, weaken immunity, and add toxins to your body. Their overuse causes the formation of resistant strains of bacteria. As a rule they should be the last resort, not the first.

Nonetheless, doctors prescribe them. Either you ask, it’s common practice, it makes them more money, or they just don’t want to say, “Go home and rest.”

Beware of taking treatments you don’t need. There are both short-term and long-term side effects. For example, a 2008 study published in the International Journal of Cancer shows that rates of cancer are higher in people who take more antibiotics. Another study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association showed the incidence of breast cancer doubled among women who took antibiotics regularly over a 17-year period.

All infections should be taken seriously and treated immediately at their onset. You can do this at home with natural antibiotics that will support your immune system and encourage your body to heal.

I’ve used this combination successfully for almost two decades. I give this “recipe” to teachers dealing with sneezing, germ-laden kids and they rave about it. It works, but you must be persistent and take them on schedule for at least one solid week. A little here and there won’t work.

I recommend keeping these at home so you can begin taking them at the first symptom. Natural foods stores will give you advice on the best manufacturers. Skip grocery store supplements which are typically lesser quality.

1. Echinacea/golden seal tincture in an alcohol base. Also in a glycerin base, but the alcohol base works faster. Take as directed on the label, 7-10 days nonstop, usually a full dropper in a little water 3-5 times per day. Take a break from Echinacea/goldenseal for a week, then if necessary, take for another 7-10 days.

2. Bee propolis. Find in capsule form and take as directed, at least once in the morning and again at night. With antibiotic, anti-inflammatory, and anti-viral activity, bee propolis stimulates the immune system and helps heal respiratory infections.

3. Garlic. With antibacterial, antifungal, and antiviral properties, garlic is an inexpensive way to treat illness. Eat raw in your food, make a tea, and take in capsule form as directed, three times per day.

4. A good probiotic. This will help balance out the good flora in your digestive tract and help with fungus - a culprit in many respiratory infections. Take three times per day anytime you are taking Echinacea and goldenseal. Continue for several weeks after your infection is gone.

5. Vitamin C. Take up to 10 grams a day, preferably in powdered form. If you get loose stools, take less. Studies indicate it lessens the severity of symptoms and shortens the duration. In my experience, it does both.

6. Cod liver oil for Vitamin D. In the best case scenario, you would know your Vitamin D levels from a blood test. Research shows low levels of this vitamin are associated with infections. I am not a proponent of getting Vitamin D from tablet supplements, but prefer cod liver oil. It needs to be the highest quality, not overly processed.

Finally, what nobody wants to hear but must do to heal, avoid sugar, dairy, and wheat. Eat fresh foods, which never come from a can, box, or drive-thru. And take a break. Rest more.

Christina Grant, PhD, is a holistic healer, counselor, and writer living on the California Coast. Learn more or contact her at www.christinagrant.com.

The Truth About Dating, Love, and Just Being Friends By Chad Eastham: A (Erika) LaMothe Book Review

2011-02-08T12:12:00.000-08:00

I asked my daughter to write a book review for The Truth About Dating, Love, and Just Being Friends By Chad Eastham because who would know better then a teenager if this book would be at all helpful or viewed as filled with old fashioned ideas? You can read Erika's review below and hopefully it will 'inspire you' to share this book with your own teenagers.

The Truth About Dating, Love, and Just Being Friends By Chad Eastham

As a fifteen year old, I believe that a book like this can not only help teenagers, but inspire them to make a change in their difficult love lives. As I pressed on through the pages of The Truth About Dating, Love, and Just Being Friends by Chad Eastham I had several realizations and answers to questions that I never had the courage to ask. I also recommend this book to parents as well, because they can learn how our age group is different today from when they were teens themselves. The Truth about Dating, Love, and Just Being Friends also teaches you how to deal with stress, depression, and hardships. It’s as if the book understands you, and not the other way around. Literally, everything in this book seems to be the absolute truth, and although some of these facts should seem obvious, I hadn’t thought about most of the situations.

This book allows you to have a say by filling in your own thoughts and feelings in the blanks provided or answer questions for yourself to help you express things you might be experiencing. The author gives the reader the feeling like someone cares and filling in the blanks is like letting go of all your problems and worries. (It makes you feel NORMAL!) A section that I found interesting was the dumb dating mistakes chapter where Chad Eastham describes the most ignorant things that guys do to mess up relationships and vise versa for girls. Over all, this book gives extraordinary advice that both a parent and a teenager would need to survive their dating lives and have happy, healthy relationships.

I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255

Legalize Surrogacy in WA State! Please Support HB 1267

2011-01-28T07:26:00.000-08:00

Washington State is giving another stab at passing a great bill into law (in my humble opinion), House Bill HB 1267. On Monday, January 24th, I arrived early at my states capitol in Olympia, ready to be heard. (Yes it was rainy but it is WA!)

Just in case you are drawing a blank, last year we tried to pass this same bill under different numbers, HB 2793. It didn't pass and so here we go again! Just a recap of what this bill stands for; HB 1267 expands and clarifies the rights and obligations of state registered domestic partners and other couples related to parentage AND establishes consistent standards and procedural safeguards for the protection of all parties involved in a surrogacy contract in this state and to confirm the legal status of children born as a result of these contracts. As things stand now, 'commercial' surrogacy is illegal but compassionate (unpaid) surrogacy arrangements are fine. However even women who are 'unpaid' are not protected and can be exploited. This law, the surrogacy portion of it, reads like a contract drawn up in any of the states that have laws and statutes regarding surrogacy already in place. But in Washington State issues that are 'suggested' in those contracts will be Mandated here. (read page 37).

I do have a couple of concerns here in regard to Traditional Surrogacy portion of this bill and in regard to the mandated disability insurance clause. But I think that those items will be discussed and hopefully cleared up before this bill hits the senate for a vote. (assuming it passes the House!)

Below is my testimony but know that I did ad lib a bit. I couldn't help myself after seeing several Intended Parents speak emotionally before me about the rigors and expense of going out of state in order to build their families via surrogacy. I could certainly agree with them, as you will read below!

"My name is Sharon LaMothe and I am the owner of an educational website on building a family through Assisted Reproduction Technology (ART) called Infertility Answers plus I am owner of LaMothe Services, a Reproductive Business Solutions Service and LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting, a Washington based consulting program to assist Intended Parents here in Washington (and other states) learn about the surrogacy process and what they need to do to make their dream of having a family via surrogacy a reality. I also owned a surrogacy agency in Florida which stopped taking new clients when I moved to the Seattle area in 2007.

Briefly, I am a past 2x Gestational Surrogate. I resided in New York State during my first surrogacy experience and because of the legalities in NY (very similar to WA states current laws) I was forced to leave the NY weeks before the twins were due and fly to Florida (where the laws are favorable for married couples) and give birth there in the Tampa Bay area. I gave birth via C-section so that operation added recovery time which kept me away from my husband and two young children a total of 6 weeks. Not only is it not wise to travel while pregnant, recuperating without your own family and friends around wasn't easy or desirable. However I was compelled to help my friends, the Intended Parents in this case, have the family that they always wanted. The contracts were drawn up in Florida and included some compensation. The psychological and medical screenings were done there as well as the actual embryo transfer. As you can see this took me out of NY state quite often at the IP's expense. I DID volunteer to be their Gestational Surrogate however it would have been MUCH less expensive and easier if I could have stayed in my home state not to mention my home town. (but we knew each other and they didn't want to work with a 'stranger')

My second surrogacy was for a same sex couple from Manhattan and although I had moved to Florida to run my now successful surrogacy agency with my business partner and to give birth, CT had passed a law where both fathers could be placed on the birth certificate. Because that was a favorable outcome for THEM I agreed to travel to CT for the birth of this second set of surrogate twins. I was away from my family once again for approximately 4 weeks and most of that in a hotel room at the Intended Parents expense. Needless to say that if Florida allowed both fathers to be on the birth certificate it would have been wonderful for all involved.

Because of my past experiences and those of other Surrogates and Intended Parents whom I had matched through my Florida Surrogacy Agency and knowing that Washington State does not allow compensated surrogacy arrangements, I have been working with couples who have been told that the only way they can have a biological child is via surrogacy. Often times the clinics have no further information to share and these intended parents feel like they are on their own with no guidance or information. They will turn to the Internet but swiftly find that they are overwhelmed with information that isn't understandable or pertinent to their unique circumstances. I have helped find agencies in states that they have family or friends in, find clinics that are cost effective, locate attorneys who are knowledgeable and experienced in contract negotiations and find mental heath professionals to help them through this emotional process. Some Intended Parents have family members or friends here in WA state who will waive any compensation and carry a baby for them. These people still need to have all the support and education they need to make an informed decision UP FRONT and that's where my expertize comes into play.

I feel that if this bill is finally passed into law we will see less travel out of our state and perhaps more people coming to WA to use the facilities that already offer services to families using assisted reproductive technology without the surrogacy component. (egg donation, IVF, IUI etc.) It would be more convenient, less expensive and conducive to great surrogacy relationships between IPs and the woman carrying a baby for them here in a state that would be supportive and have laws in place that would protect one and all."

I hope all my readers will support HB1267 and I will keep you posted on the results.

The Surrogacy Contract: Issues to Consider

2011-01-27T06:30:00.000-08:00

NO SMOKING!!!

Below are just a few of the issues and concerns that are incorporated into a surrogacy agreement between the Intended Parents and a Surrogate and her partner. Each case is unique however these are the most common items that are discussed and agreed upon.

All Parties have the right to independent legal representation.

All Parties need to agree to psychological and sexually transmitted disease testing.

Agree to the number of embryos to be transferred and the number of attempts at IVF.

Agree to help in whatever manner necessary to get the Intended Parent's names on the birth certificate.

Agree to HLA Paternity Testing if, when necessary.

Agree to drug testing and criminal background checks if requested by the IP's, IVF Clinic or Agency.

Surrogate must agree to notify Intended Parents at the first signs of labor. All contact numbers should be listed in the contract.

All parties must waive the right to medical confidentiality and execute the appropriate medical releases.

The Surrogate must agree to adhere to all medical instructions given to her by the attending physicians.

Amniocentesis should be agreed to as well as under what circumstances it may be requested.

Fetus loss must be addressed. Selective reduction, miscarriage and abortion must be referenced with an agreed upon medical management plan.

The custody of a child that isn't genetically linked to the parties needs to be addressed.

IP's must agree to accept responsibility for a child born with birth defects.

Compensation for living expenses (base fee) must be addressed. The total fee should be deposited into a trust account before the transfer is performed.

Term life insurance policy of at least $200,000 must be provided to the Surrogate by the IP's.

There must be an estate plan or guardianship in place to provide for the infant should an IP die after pregnancy is confirmed.

There must be an estate plan or medical guardianship in place to maintain the Surrogate on life support should she suffer trauma and determined to be brain dead after pregnancy is confirmed. The OB will provide guidelines on when to order life support for purposes of maintaining a pregnancy.

The Parties should agree on what is expected during the labor and delivery. Generally, IP's are permitted to attend delivery.
The amount of post discharge contact, including photographs, needs to be agreed upon.

These topics and more can be found on Infertility Answers!

Thinking About Being a Surrogate? Common Surrogacy Questions

2011-01-20T07:19:00.000-08:00

Below is a list of common questions that women ask when they are considering surrogacy. If you have any additional questions that you would like answered or would like to see on this list please contact us.

1. What is the average age of a potential surrogate?

Reproductive endocrinologists prefer to work with surrogates who are between 21 and 39 years of age. Exceptions have been made in the past but this is an average.

2. Does a woman have to have had a child of her own before she may act as a surrogate?

Yes. Most clinics will require the surrogate have at least one uncomplicated pregnancy and birth. C-sections are usually acceptable.

3. What about the health of a potential surrogate?

A potential surrogate must be healthy, for her benefit as much as for the child she will carry. Additionally, she will be screened for STD's (sexually transmitted diseases), and addictions such as drug, alcohol and tobacco. Certain medications, thyroid replacements may be acceptable to the clinic. Another factor most clinics take into consideration is BMI (height/weight ratio) and prefer that to be under 30. Calculate your BMI - Standard BMI Calculator

4. What if I had my own children but placed them for adoption?

Most psychologists and surrogacy agencies require you to be parenting your child/children. A previous adoption with a baby since then may be acceptable. The psychologist will speak with you about these issues to be sure you will be comfortable giving up the baby.

5. I have had some legal issues in my past....would I still be eligible to enter into a surrogacy contract?

Most Intended Parents do not want a person carrying their baby to have a criminal history. Most agencies will run a background check....minor offenses can often be overlooked. It is best to be honest with your agency and or attorney and tell them if there is anything in your past that might complicate the surrogacy process.

6. What do I need to know about Health Insurance?

Having health insurance will reduce the Intended Parent's out of pocket payment for your medical care. The best possible surrogate candidate will have her own health insurance with maternity coverage. This does mean medicare or state insurance coverage for a surrogacy would be prohibited by law. If you do not have a health policy, in some cases the agency or intended parents can provide one policy for you.

7. I am out of work and heard that you can make good money being a surrogate. Is that true?

It is best to have a stable household income of your own before you volunteer to become a surrogate mother. Surrogacy is a gift to an Intended Couple or Parent and any money that may come your way usually starts after the confirmation of pregnancy. There is NO guarantee that you will become pregnant throughout your surrogacy experience and some women don't become pregnant until the second or third try. All told, pregnancy may not be confirmed until a year or more from the signing of the contracts.

8. I am not sure my family will support me in my decision. Will that matter?

It will matter. Remember that the process of getting pregnancy up though birth can take a year or more. The fertility clinic will want to feel comfortable that you will be be supported during the medical procedures. The Intended Parents will want to feel comfortable that your family will be positive while you are carrying their baby. You should really have your spouse and family on board with your decision to be a surrogate.

9. I don't have a car but my new IP's can take me to my appointments, right?

No. You need reliable transportation. There are many appointments that you will need to attend before you even sign your contract. Some of these include: meeting with your agency, meeting the Intended Parents (who may be from out of state), having an exam with the clinic of the IP's choice, appointments with the psychologist and perhaps even meeting with an attorney, just to name a few. This isn't even taking into consideration your OB appointments once you are pregnant.

All this and more can be found on Infertility Answers!

What are a Surrogate Mothers Probable Medical Responsibilities?

2011-01-14T07:12:00.000-08:00

A surrogate mother (SM) or Gestational Carrier (SM stands here for both) has the ultimate decision making ability about any and all medical treatments done to her and the unborn child. However, a surrogate pregnancy is very different from a personal pregnancy as most Intended Parents (IP) expect to be involved as well. Below is a list of requirements that will be expected of a surrogate mother. Some may not apply depending on the circumstances. This is just for your information before you make the ultimate decision of becoming a surrogate.

SM agrees to complete all physical tests and screenings as required by the doctor/clinic.

SM must sign a release of all medical records.

SM agrees to have FSH/LH blood levels drawn to establish fertility.

SM agrees to have HSG test and or ultrasounds to test the viability of her tubes, ovaries and uterus.

SM agrees to complete 3 cycles of In Vitro fertilization or 6 cycles if artificial insemination.

SM agrees to take fertility drugs and drugs to support the pregnancy as required by the doctor. These drugs may be in the form of SHOTS, PILLS, PATCHES, or VAGINAL SUPPOSITORIES.

SM agrees to follow doctor ordered restrictions after transfer, which may include abstaining from sexual relations from one week before time of transfer until a confirmed pregnancy via ultrasound, and restricted from lifting any weight above 20 lbs. Please make sure that this will not affect your job if you work in an environment that requires any lifting.

SM will agree to follow Doctor ordered restrictions which will include abstaining from sexual relationships with an untested partner between the time she has agreed to work with her IP's and the birth of the surrogate child. ALL partners MUST be tested for HIV, all STD's and completed medicals will be submitted to the clinic of the IP's choice for record.

SM will agree to have normal course of OB care, including ultrasounds as required by her physician. This will take place with in 6 to 10 weeks of gestation.

SM will utilize the services of a high risk OB if pregnant with multiples or if doctor recommends.

SM will inform her IP's of her doctors of choice including phone numbers and address. She will also sign a release of information so the IP's and SCF can obtain pregnancy records from the OB.

SM will have ultrasounds done as requested by her physician. The IP's will incur the cost of any requested ultrasounds.

SM will have an alpha fetal protein test or any other screening test as requested by the medical professionals.

SM will consent to having an amniocentesis done as previously arranged or under doctor's orders.

SM will consent to completing In Vitro procedure with either the eggs of the client wife or an egg donor or an adopted embryo chosen by the client family.

SM will do everything in her power to maintain a pregnancy, even if it is difficult, unless instructed by a physician that it is necessary or advisable for her to terminate the pregnancy.

SM will have drug and HIV screenings at the request of the clinic during her attempts.

SM will complete genetic screening as requested by physician.

SM will allow paternity and or maternity testing to be done. This may involve providing a blood sample from herself and the child.

SM agrees to participate in all individual and group counseling sessions as requested by IP's or the agency she is working with.

SM agrees to complete all psychological testing.

SM and her partner/husband agree to cooperate with her agency or attorney in obtaining a child abuse and criminal background checks.

SM and her partner agree to abstain from all sexual intercourse or activity that could result in pregnancy during their involvement in the surrogacy plan, as defined in the contract between the SM and IP's and the RE/clinic.

SM agrees to engage in open, positive communication with the IP's and the clinic.

She agrees to take whatever reasonable action that is deemed necessary to promote a health, positive surrogacy relationship with IP's.

Please note: It is extremely likely that an insurance company will state that they will not pay for a pregnancy that is a result of a surrogacy. This decision by the insurance company would probably be considered illegal and not upheld by the courts, unless it is written in the policy. It is our preference that you read your policy provisions and call your company to make sure that you are covered.

This list of responsibilities is for your information. The clinic may have other suggestions. Please be prepared to follow all medical doctor ordered protocols in order for you to have a safe and successful surrogacy pregnancy.

Messages From the Light: True Stories of Near-Death Experiences and Communication from the Other Side by Christopher Coppes: A LaMothe Book Review

2011-01-07T07:34:00.000-08:00

I thought Messages From the Light: True Stories of Near-Death Experiences and Communication from the Other Side by Christopher Coppes would be an eye opening read and it was. Although this paper back is around 200 pages with loads of notes at the end it did offer a very different perspective from my conventional way of thinking. However I was hoping to learn more about Near Death Experiences and how it affected the people who shared their stories and less about Coppes on thoughts on what is wrong with our world.

Because Christopher Coppes holds a PhD in economics and has worked many years in that industry I think that he views the world as it is and the people with these NDE's as all part of our current economical crisis. Could that be true? Sure it could be. Anything could but, for me, I would have loved to have learned more about the people involved in these experiences and read in depth what they saw, felt and how they coped when they returned to the land of the living. Not matter the economic status in any decade I am sure it would be a disappointment to emerge from a "blissful light", "great happiness" and "seeing deceased relatives" to the current human lifestyle. As a matter of fact Coppes mentioned that those who experienced these near death occurrences were pretty upset to find out they were still alive and some even tried to commit suicide to become a part of that peaceful world for all eternity.

Messages From The Light is a reminder that 'doing unto others as you would have them do unto you' is still the best bet to a happy and light filled eternity but if you are looking for an exploration of the people behind their Near Death Experiences then you would be disappointed in this book.

Ring in the NEW YEAR!! 2011

2011-01-01T00:01:00.000-08:00

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day. ~Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Happy 2011

from Sharon LaMothe

Infertility Answers and LaMothe Services, LLC

Happy Holidays to You and Yours

2010-12-23T07:52:00.000-08:00

I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. ~Charles Dickens

Happy Holidays from Sharon LaMothe

Infertility Answers and LaMothe Services, LLC

From Guinea Pigs to Power: No to GMO Foods and Manipulation By Guest Blogger Dr. Christina Grant

2010-12-19T07:30:00.000-08:00

In my tiny area of the globe, I am a gardener, keeper of animals, feeder of birds - someone who is concerned about the protection of the earth, land, soil, waterways, air, and all living beings. Increasingly, I am aware of the myriad ways we have become detached from nature, and the natural ways of living on the planet. One of the main issues of concern is our lack of knowledge about where our food comes from.

Last month, the Corn Refiners Association applied to the FDA to change the name of high fructose corn syrup to “corn sugar.” Apparently, more and more consumers have been reading labels and they don’t want the syrupy stuff in their food. Now, an attempt to put another blindfold over the eyes of the American public has been made, to lead us to believe that their product, implicated in the nation’s obesity epidemic, is nothing more than sugar from corn.

I can detect high fructose corn syrup in any product. It cheapens the taste and has a sickly sweet flavor. “Corn sugar” will do the same. It isn’t like regular sugar and doesn’t taste like it even though the argument laid out by the Corn Refiners Association is that high fructose corn syrup has the same nutritional value as sugar. Well, for Pete’s sake, who eats sugar for its nutritional value, which is nil? Let’s not forget the real issue is that we, as a nation, consume too much sugar in any form.

Even if you are a fan of eating products that contain high fructose corn syrup, I think it’s still wise to know the source of what you are putting into your mouth. Anything derived from corn (and soy) carries the potential to be genetically modified (GMO) so it can withstand a few solid drenchings of pesticides and herbicides, including Monsanto’s Roundup. The corn can also be modified by changing its DNA so that it “naturally” wards off bugs and increase crop yields.

Currently in the United States, the FDA has not required genetically engineered products to be labeled as such, while many other countries have demanded the labeling, including the European Union. A number of people work in the government, including the FDA, who stand to gain through their association with corporations like Monsanto, thus the labeling law has gotten bogged down in red tape.

Labeling all products with GMO ingredients is a vitally important issue that we as consumers must insist upon. The FDA hasn’t required labeling, indicating it’s too complicated. They say the evidence against GMO food isn’t clear enough, they don’t want consumers like me and you to look down on GMO ingredients in our food, and, what they don’t say, is that there are powerful people with corporate interests whose personal wealth will be negatively affected when we stop spending our money on their products.

We do know that there are adverse health effects from this form of biotechnology, that it was not and hasn’t been studied properly before it was used in the food supply, and that the use of GMO seed in crops contaminates other fields, including those that are organic. We also know that in many cases, more pesticides and herbicides have to be used on these crops. If you would like to learn more about this, read Dr. Joseph Mercola’s article entitled “10 Reasons to Avoid Genetically Modified Foods” at http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2010/02/27/10-reasons-why-no-one-needs-gm-foods.aspx. At the end of this article are numerous references for those of you interested in further research.

Whenever I write about these concerns, and when colleagues have done the same, someone (often working in Washington, DC) responds with a scathing letter, an attempt not to state facts, but rather disqualify the author and further confuse the public. The responses are personal attacks instead of rational disputes. This is spin, and it’s done because big money is involved, they know the facts are building against them, and they’re afraid the American public won’t remain in the dark for long.

But the American consumer is king and all we need is knowledge. We are the ones with the money who buy the products, and there is power in that. We could change the system at any time, with the dollar. By buying whole organic food, preferably from local farmers, and shunning the processed food world or at least demanding proper labeling, each of us declares that we support foods (including corn) to be grown the way nature intended, not modified by scientists, however well-meaning they might be. Keep in mind, all non-organic foods you pay for that contain corn (and soy) derivatives are likely to in some way support the GMO practice, while allowing chemical companies like Monsanto to control our food supply. This includes conventionally grown beef and chicken, since they are subjected to the GMO food in their daily feed.

October 2010 is the first official “Non-GMO month” involving more than 580 natural food stores nationwide. This will be to promote awareness and celebrate your right to choose food that is not genetically modified. You can learn more about the event by reading a press release from the executive director of the Non-GMO Project: http://www.nongmoproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/Non-GMO-Month-Press-Release.pdf.

If you want to watch two good movies, see The Future of Food and Food, Inc. They help clarify these issues, and at the very least, make us more aware of the necessity to have a GMO labeling law. This law might be complicated to enforce, but no more so than the prospect of an entire food supply being contaminated.

If you’re interest is piqued, read Jeffrey Smith’s book Seeds of Deception. For more on the American food industry read Marion Nestle’s Food Politics and Eric Schlosser’s Fast Food Nation.

A descendant of Midwest farmers who came to California to work in the fertile Central Valley, I’ll continue to be an advocate for organic farmers and local farmers’ markets. I hope you will do the same, or we run the very real risk of being fed solely by a chemical giant who doesn’t have our best interests at heart.

Dr. Christina Grant is a holistic healer, teacher, and intuitive counselor. You are welcome to visit her blog, contact her, and sign up for her e-newsletter at: www.christinagrant.com.

Borya and the Burps An Eastern European Adoption Story by Joan McNamara: A LaMothe Book Review

2010-12-14T07:00:00.000-08:00

Borya and the Burps An Eastern European Adoption Story by Joan McNamara looks and feels like a children's book but once you start to read it clearly is for adults or for older children about to add a sibling to their family via adoption. This story explains what it is like in an orphanage in some far off European country, who takes care of the babies and what the routine might be like. The book focuses on a baby boy named Borya and what his routine is day in and day out and how he feels when one of the 7 babies in his room adopted, and finally how he feels when he is chosen by an American family. This information maybe very helpful to parents who want to acclimate their newly adopted child into their home.

Having said that, Borya is often confused in this story and has his own special concerns and worries. All very well and good for parents to read and learn about but not necessarily child friendly.

3 Simple and Loving Behaviors by Dr. Jackie Black

2010-12-07T05:00:00.000-08:00

Honor and respect your partner's feelings as if they are your own!

Feelings are the barometer of our outside existential lives. Feelings let us know how things are going for us inside ourselves. They are not good or bad; helpful or not helpful; constructive or not so constructive. Feelings exist because they do, in and of themselves.

We cannot choose to change, modify, not feel, or otherwise positively or negatively impact or affect our feelings. The only choices we have are directly related to our behavior.

Feelings are as normal as hunger and fatigue. When we dismiss, diminish, ridicule, criticize, mock, belittle, disparage or demean anyone's feelings we are acting in the most disrespectful and unloving way.

When your Honey expresses a feeling, consider hearing the feeling as a sacred offering. Be curious and compassionate.

Remember: It is not your job to fix anything. She or he is not broken. Don't get distracted by the content of the event. It isn't necessary to offer insights, suggestions, give answers or otherwise provide brilliant advice or express profound guidance.

Here are 3 Simple and Loving Behaviors to remember and use:

*Listen with your heart.

*Tell your partner that he or she matters to you and that his or her feelings are important to you.

*Ask if there is anything you can do or say right now that would be helpful.

*Believe that your presence and your caring go a long way to soothe hurt and upset hearts.

Take a deep breath. Remind yourself to stay in the moment with the feeling(s). Trust that the 3 Simple and Loving Behaviors are enough!

Try it and let me know how it goes! Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

My Tour of the Seattle Sperm Bank

2010-12-02T19:36:00.000-08:00

A common shipping container

You would think that with my long history, over 11 years, in the Assisted Reproductive Technology world I would have visited a sperm bank by now. I mean, I have been invited into surgical units and witnessed egg retrievals, I have been invited into labs and watched eggs being fertilized in a number of ways, I have been present at MANY embryo transfers, and had the privilege to behold the miracle of birth via surrogacy more times then I can remember, so you would think that I would have knocked on the door of one or two sperm banks by now!
The Seattle Sperm Bank located near the University of Washington, which is the American division of the European Sperm Bank based in Denmark. Gary Olsem and one of the lab technicians, Christina, was kind enough to invite me to tour the bank and then answered some very pressing questions that I had collected from Facebook and current clients.

I started my tour with Christina whom I had met previously at the ASRM conference that was held in Denver in October of this year. I was brought into a room that had a few tanks in it and instantly started asking questions! They were a lot bigger then I though but had guessed correctly that this was what the sperm was shipped in. So here are the shipping facts: People purchase usually 2-3 vials at a time but the same container can hold 10-25 vials. (not that you would want to order that many and in a moment I will tell you why!) Shipping to the East Coast is $150.00 2 day FedEX and that includes the return trip. There is a $50.00 extra fee for over night. I actually asked if many people need over night shipping and Gary told me that I would be surprised at how many women called needing their shipment yesterday. "Don't they PLAN ahead?" "Apparently not." These containers will keep the sperm frozen for up to 3 weeks and NO, you can not take them out of the container and pop them into your freezer at home. That would be just a waste of money.

New Sperm Samples

The men on the Seattle Sperm Banks long list of eligible donors are between the ages of 18 and 39. Really the 18 year olds are few and far between (to my delight) however no donor is required to have a psychological evaluation. None. Why is this? Apparently because the procedure is no where near as in depth as that of your egg donor. (However it's not only about procedure but that is for another blog). There are 3 hoops that these gentlemen have to jump through. The first is the initial screening and meeting which includes a free sperm analyst and most of those don't make the first cut. Not that they are infertile themselves but if their sperm doesn't freeze well or make the thaw then its just not worth it to take the risk. Some may have some very real male factor infertility and they are told what the issues are and are referred to a mental health professional at that point. So basically these men have had a free semen analyst and it ends there. No, they did not get paid yet.

The second hoop is a meeting that ends with yet another semen sample and a full education of how the program works. This is also unpaid and requires more forms, questionnaires and paper work. FDA guidelines are followed to the T.

Storage Containers

The third hoop and last meeting before becoming a "real sperm donor". An Audio Interview is done, a personality test is taken, baby photos are shared, and Blood work is required, STD testing, a sperm deposit that will be kept in storage and this is also when money exchanges hands. How much money you may ask? $40.00. Yes...that is Forty Dollars, American. And another $20.00 in about six months once everything is cleared. So how much can you actually make being a sperm donor? Well, through the Seattle Sperm Bank you are allowed to 'help' 25 families and you can donate up to 3x per week. (Although most just donate once per month.)

Speaking of 'helping families' 25 donations seems like a large number but lets remember that there are no regulations and although the ASRM has guidelines on egg donation of only 6 donations per donor there are no guidelines for sperm donors. (and if there are, they are incredibly hard to find compared to egg donor compensation and donation guidelines which pop up at the touch of a button...) I asked if there were any thoughts to how many families in one location that would could be helped by a single donor and found that it depends on location. If you live in the UK then it would be 10 donations for the entire United Kingdom. Australia, 5 donations and so on. So it seems that each country has its own thoughts on the matter.

A frozen 'cane' with vial of sperm

Lets get down to the nitty gritty...how much does it cost to start your family using sperm from the Seattle Sperm Bank is quite reasonable. Depending on how you are going to do it....IUI (Intrauterine Inseminations) through your clinic the cost is $490.00 per vial (washed sperm) and for at home inseminations its $390.00 ICI (unwashed sperm) and that includes the cost of the insemination kit! Most people order 2-3 vials at a time. So lets see, if you are ordering 3 vials, and live on the east coast AND are doing in home inseminations then the cost would be $1320.00 which would include your shipping and handling charges. Now remember, there are no guarantees that this is going to work the 1st round. (or the 2nd or the 5th) Would it be cheaper to go to a clinic and do IUI under a Reproductive Endocrinologists care? In the long run, perhaps so. You would be paying for IUI's at the clinic however you would be monitored and if medications were needed then you would find that out and, believe it or not, a RE knows what he/she is doing! Plus, timing is everything!

One frozen vial on a 'cane'

Just for the fun of it I asked about directed donation and how much it would cost to store sperm. The storage fees are $75.00 per month and $350 per year. Not to bad if you don't have to wait long.

Remember when I stated that these containers could hold up to 25 vials? I wanted to mention that you do NOT want to order any more sperm then you can use in a cycle unless you have a place to store it near your home. Remember that the containers only keep the sperm frozen at the ideal temperature for up to 3 weeks....after that all bets are off. Or you could have a party and the SSB will ship several different donors sperm in one container and you can share the cost.

I wanted to thank Gary Olsem for all of his time and Christina for answering my endless questions.

If any of my readers would like more information please contact:
Gary Olsem
Seattle Sperm Bank LLC
4915 25th Avenue NE, Suite 204
Seattle WA 98105
Ph: (206) 588 1484
Fax: (206) 588 1485
Email: info@seattlespermbank.com

Adoption Is A Family Affair by Pat Johnston: A LaMothe Book Review

2010-11-28T11:40:00.000-08:00

Just in time for the end of our National Adoption Month!

Adoption Is A Family Affair by Pat Johnston, is an easy read in less then 150 pages and a great resource for relatives and friends of those in the process of adoption. Yes, it is simple and touches briefly on many of the issues and concerns that might be brought to the family table but it is also insightful and full of great advice for those who don't know what to say of do to help welcome a new family member via adoption. All ages and stages are touched on as well as great reading recommendations for more information. I particularly liked The Five Hot Buttons Not To Push and the Expanding the Family Culture chapters. This had lessons that everyone can learn from. We all bring something to the table and it all can work if respect, understanding and open communication is included. I highly recommend Adoption Is A Family Affair as a resource for family members, friends and for those going through the personal and rewarding journey of becoming parents through adoption.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

2010-11-25T06:00:00.000-08:00

Enjoy the day with family and friends!

From Sharon LaMothe of

Infertility Answers and LaMothe Services, LLC

The Third Party Wins Top Surrogacy Blog Award from Ultra Sound Technician!!

2010-11-23T12:23:00.000-08:00

Surrogacy is quite simply using a gestational carrier to carry and deliver your baby for you. It is an emotionally intense and legally complex arrangement and is officially recognized in only a handful of states, it is illegal in others. The process often requires vast amounts of time, money, and patience to be successful. Our award winners have been on both sides of the surrogacy issue, both surrogate mothers and those seeking a surrogate. Celebrities, homosexuals, infertile couples all seek out surrogates in their quest to have a child. These blogs will give you a new appreciation for this controversial child bearing option.
Please join me in congratulating our Top Surrogacy Blog award winners presented by Ultra Sound Technician!

Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Win a Set of Expecting, Baby and Toddler 411 Books Written by Michele Hakakha, MD and Ari Brown, MD in Time for the Holidays From LaMothe Book Reviews

2010-11-22T07:40:00.000-08:00

Expecting 411, Baby 411 and Toddler 411 by Michele Hakakha, MD and Ari Brown, MD are wonderful books for the first time parent and for those with lots of experience! Not only are these books written by doctors they had an advisory board to help them and trust me, no detail is left out! These books are very well organized with sections and chapters and a clear question and answer format along with icons to indicate Helpful Hints, Red Flags, Old Wives Tales and Disturbing Material Ahead to name a few. The Baby 411 and Toddler 411 books have Insider Secrets and Feedback from the Real World. I highly recommend this entire set!

Do you want to WIN your own BRAND NEW set of these great 411 books? Here's how you do it! Visit Infertility Answers, look over the website and recommend it to someone you know(the recommendation button is at the bottom of each page) and then sign into the Guest Book! Leave a comment about the site and your name and e-mail address along with the date and you will be put in a drawing to have this entire set delivered to you by December 17th! This Contest starts today and will end on December 7th 2010. You will be contacted by e-mail by December 9th! Expecting 411 is signed by both authors!

Thank you and GOOD LUCK!

UPDATE: December 11th 2010 Mary C! You are the winner of the 411 baby book collection. It is being mailed out to you TODAY! Congratulations and THANK YOU everyone for participating!

November 20, 2010, Will Mark the 11th Year for Adoption Day

2010-11-19T06:31:00.000-08:00

The History of National Adoption Day
2000 - National Adoption Day began with the Alliance for Children's Rights and support from the Freddie Mac Foundation, the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, and others. Hundreds of adoptions were finalized in 9 jurisdictions.

2001 - The number of jurisdictions increased to 17.

2002 - Assistance from Casey Family Services, Children's Action Network, the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute and Target. This support brought 34 jurisdictions to National Adoption Day and 1,350 adoptions were finalized.

2003 - 3,100 adoptions were finalized and 120 jurisdictions participated in the event.

2004 - 3,400 adoptions finalized at 200 events in 37 states.

2005 - The largest number of coast-to-coast celebrations for National Adoption Day to date! More than 3,300 children's adoptions were finalized from foster care in 227 events in 45 states and the District of Columbia.

2006 - More than 250 events in all fifty states including the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico! More than 3,300 adoption were finalized.

2007 - More than 300 events were held in all fifty states including the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico.

2008 - More than 4,000 children across all 50 states found loving, permanent homes.

2009 - A total of 345 Adoption Day events in all 50 states, the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico with more than 4,500 children adopted from foster care!
Each year, more and more children are being adopted on Adoption Day and the events are becoming more widespread. In total more than 30,000 children have been adopted from foster care on National Adoption Day.

Goals of Adoption Day 2010

Finalize adoptions from foster care in all 50 states

Celebrate and honor all families that adopt

Raise awareness about the 123,000 children in foster care waiting for adoption

Encourage others to adopt children from foster care

Build collaboration among local adoption agencies, courts and advocacy organizations

For More Information on Adoption Day and to Find Activities in Your Area: http://www.nationaladoptionday.org/

Sam's Sister by Juliet Bond: A LaMothe Book Review

2010-11-17T14:52:00.000-08:00

I wanted to share this book review for National Adoption Month. Sam's Sister is perfect for birth mothers to read to their own child/children.

Sam's Sister by Juliet Bond is a heartwarming and touching story through the eyes of a 5 year old girl regarding her baby brother's adoption. When her mother explains that she is pregnant but doesn't have the means to raise another child, Rosa has all kinds of questions. Her mother takes the time to explain her reasons for placing Rosa's sibling up for adoption and allows her to meet the adoptive parents. This children's book starts at the pregnancy and ends after the birth where this relationship is obviously an open adoption sceaniro. Rosa gets to be the big sister even though her little brother doesn't live with her and the parents enjoy raising a child through this adoption. I recommend Sam's Sister by Juliet Bond for all birth mothers with young children at home. I love the illustrations by Dawn Majewski and the entire way the book respects the integrity of the open adoption process.

Understand Diabetes and Take Control...November 14th is World Diabetes Day.

2010-11-14T06:20:00.000-08:00

Understand diabetes and take control

Diabetes Education and Prevention is the World Diabetes Day theme for the period 2009-2013. The campaign calls on all those responsible for diabetes care to understand diabetes and take control. For people with diabetes, this is a message about empowerment through education. For governments, it is a call to implement effective strategies and policies for the prevention and management of diabetes to safeguard the health of their citizens with and at risk of diabetes. For healthcare professionals, it is a call to improve knowledge so that evidence-based recommendations are put into practice. For the general public, it is a call to understand the serious impact of diabetes and know, where possible, how to avoid or delay diabetes and its complications. The key messages of the campaign are:

•Know the diabetes risks and know the warning signs

•Know how to respond to diabetes and who to turn to

•Know how to manage diabetes and take control

Campaign Objectives
The objectives for the 2009-2013 campaign were informed by the work of the Federation’s Consultative Section on Education and its Task Force on Epidemiology and Prevention. The objectives were further informed by the World Health Organization’s 2008-2013 Action Plan for the Global Strategy for the Prevention and Control of Noncommunicable Diseases. This document is available online in English at http://www.who.int/nmh/en/.

The campaign goals are to:

•Encourage governments to implement and strengthen policies for the prevention and control of diabetes and its complications.

•Disseminate tools to support national and local initiatives for the prevention and management of diabetes and its complications.

•Illustrate the importance of evidence-based education in the prevention and management of diabetes and its complications.

•Raise awareness of the warning signs of diabetes and promote action to encourage early diagnosis.

•Raise awareness of and promote action to reduce the main modifiable risk factors for type 2 diabetes.

•Raise awareness and promote action to prevent or delay the complications of diabetes.

http://www.worlddiabetesday.org/node/4494 is where this information was found.

Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc.
http://infertilityanswers.org/
LaMothe Services, LLC
http://lamotheservices.com/

Dr. Bruce McLucas Hosts Free National Fibroid Webinar November 17th

2010-11-13T07:01:00.000-08:00

Join UCLA professor Bruce McLucas, M.D. (http://www.fibroids.com) and women across the country for a free live one hour webinar about “Myths and Facts About Fibroids,” Wednesday, November 17th, at 6 p.m. PST. Questions from those participating in the webinar are welcome. Fibroids affect 40 percent of women (50 percent of African American women).

Some of the myths to be discussed include:

• There is a “miracle diet” that can cause fibroids to disappear.

• Fibroids increase your chances of endometrial cancer.

• If you have fibroids, you must have a hysterectomy.

• If you have fibroids, you can’t become pregnant.

• You don’t need your uterus after you’ve had your children, so just remove it if it gives you any problems.

Dr. McLucas is a Los Angeles-based OB-GYN who practices at Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center and serves as an Assistant Clinical Professor in the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA. One of the pioneers in developing uterine artery embolization, Doctor McLucas has had a career-long interest in minimally invasive therapy, serving as president and charter member of the Society for Minimally Invasive Therapy. Dr. McLucas founded the Los Angeles-based Fibroid Treatment Collective 12 years ago, and his team performed the first embolization in the United States at UCLA in 1994.

For more information and to register for the seminar, visit www.fibroids.com and click on webinar registration at http://bit.ly/a0bZEV or call 1.866.362.6463. Follow on Twitter @fibroiddoctor; and on Facebook search Fibroid Treatment Collective

By Wide Margin Colorado Voters Reject “Personhood” Amendment Via ASRM

2010-11-08T07:49:00.000-08:00

November 3, 2010

Colorado voters went to the polls yesterday and resoundingly rejected Amendment 62, the so called “personhood” amendment which would have given legal rights to fertilized eggs under the Colorado Constitution. Expressly, Amendment 62 would have applied the term 'person' as used in those provisions of the Colorado Constitution relating to inalienable rights, equality of justice and due process of law, to “any human being from the beginning of the biological development of that human being.” The ballot measure was rejected by a three to one margin with 97% of the precincts reporting. This is the second time in two years that Colorado residents have voted to rebuff the agenda of the state’s “pro-life” movement. Amendment 62 was the only “pro-life” initiative on a ballot anywhere in the U.S. this election cycle.

Both ASRM and SART were early supporters of the “No on 62 Campaign” urging Coloradoans to reject the ballot measure. ASRM leaders convened a press conference last week during its 66th Annual Meeting held in Denver, to state fervent opposition to Amendment 62. Calling it a deceptive and dangerous measure, ASRM President Dr. William Gibbons and ASRM members and Colorado residents Dr. William Schlaff and Dr. Nanette Santoro described how Amendment 62 would imperil vital medical care and eliminate important family building options for Coloradoans suffering from the devastating disease of infertility. Dr. Schlaff explained, “In vitro fertilization procedures will be made less safe as patients would be forced to transfer all fertilized eggs without regard to their viability, chromosomal abnormalities or carrier status for dreadful genetic disorders.” Schlaff also cited a study by one of the largest clinics in the U.S. which found that in its practice only 7.5 % of all fertilized eggs went on to become live born children due to the fact that human reproduction is an intricate and inefficient process. Added Schlaff, “Proponents of Amendment 62 ignore the well-established biologic truths of embryo development.”

Smoking and Infertility A PATIENT’S FACT SHEET from the ASRM

2010-11-07T07:18:00.000-08:00

The health risks of tobacco smoking are well known
with regard to diseases of the heart, lungs, and blood
vessels. Substantial harmful effects of cigarette smoke on fertility have become apparent, but are not generally appreciated. Cigarette smoking has a negative impact on the ability to become pregnant and carry a pregnancy to term.

Impact of cigarette smoking on re p roduction in women: Virtually all scientific studies support the conclusion that smoking has an adverse impact on fertility. The prevalence of infertility is higher, and the time it takes to conceive is longer, in smokers compared to nonsmokers. Active smoking by either partner has adverse effects, and the impact of passive cigarette smoke exposure is only slightly smaller than for active smoking. Research indicates that cigarette smoking is harmful to a woman’s ovaries, and the
degree of harm is dependent upon the amount and the
period of time a woman smokes. Smoking appears to
accelerate the loss of eggs and reproductive function and
may advance the time of menopause by several years.
Components in cigarette smoke have been shown to
interfere with the ability of cells in the ovary to make
estrogen and to cause a woman’s eggs (oocytes) to be
more prone to genetic abnormalities. Smoking is strongly
associated with an increased risk of spontaneous
miscarriage and possibly ectopic pregnancy as well.
Pregnant smokers are more likely to have low birth weight
babies and premature birth. The incidence of sudden
infant death syndrome (SIDS) also increases in households
where someone smokes.

Impact of cigarette smoking on assisted reproductive
therapy outcomes: Nearly twice as many in vitro
fertilization (IVF) attempts are required to conceive in
smokers than in nonsmokers. Studies of IVF have
reported that female smokers require higher doses of
gonadotropins to stimulate their ovaries, have lower peak
estradiol levels, fewer oocytes obtained, more canceled
cycles, lower implantation rates, and undergo more cycles
with failed fertilization than nonsmokers. Miscarriage
rates are also increased. The adverse effect of cigarette
smoking is more noticeable in older women. Overall, the
reduction in natural fertility associated with smoking may
not be overcome by assisted reproductive technologies.

Impact of cigarette smoking on reproduction in men:
Men who smoke cigarettes have a lower sperm count and
motility and increased abnormalities in sperm shape and
function. The effect of smoking on male fertility,
however, is more difficult to discern because it is difficult
to create studies to address that question. Although the
effects of cigarette smoking on male fertility remain
inconclusive, the harmful effect of passive smoke on the
fertility of female partners and the evidence that smoking
adversely affects sperm quality suggest that smoking in
men should be regarded as an infertility risk factor.

Smoking cessation as a treatment issue in couples
undergoing fertility therapy: One important investigation
showed that cessation of smoking for at least two months
before attempting IVF significantly improved chances for
conception. Although long-term cigarette smoking can
have an irreversible effect on ovarian function, the harmful
effect on treatment outcome may, in part, be reversed if
smoking is discontinued prior to entering into fertility
therapy.

Summary: The best available scientific data indicate that
cigarette smoking strongly contributes to infertility.
Smoking should be discouraged for both male and female
partners in couples with a history of infertility or recurrent
miscarriage. Smoking cessation may improve natural
fertility and success rates with infertility treatment.

Lets Celebrate National Adoption Month!!

2010-10-31T08:01:00.000-07:00

There is a lot going on in the month of November...Not only is Thanksgiving right around the corner, the start of the Holiday Season and National Diabetes Awareness month but it is ALSO National Adoption Month!

It is also my fathers birth month (rest in peace) and he happened to be adopted by a wonderful couple, my grandparents, after living over 10 years without a child in their lives. My father was the only one they adopted and it is an interesting story. Way back in the good ole days of the 1930's there was very little paper work involved. As a matter of fact, in my fathers case, there was next to none. My grandparents had put the word out to their friends in the community of Bath, Maine that they would be open to adopt a baby. They had a friend that worked down at the court house and one day my grandmother received a phone call saying that an eight month baby boy was just 'dropped off' and would she be interested in coming down and taking a look. She and my grandfather rushed right down to find a very healthy baby boy being doted on by all of the employees of the court house. They said yes and gathered up his few things and took him home. It was easy as that. (although I would hope that some sort of paper work was signed but I found no adoption certificate at all)

When my grandmother passed away at age 100 I found among her belongings my fathers original birth certificate with both parents listed and place of birth, several hours away from where my grandparents resided. Although my father did have the opportunity to meet his biological mother he never did meet his biological father. I have yet to investigate this avenue and I am not really sure why I am not more curious. I also found the clothes he came home in from the court house, the cute little shoes and linen coat and shorts.

That is my personal story and because of this adoption that offered me a wonderful set of grandparents I will be celebrating National Adoption Month!

Sharon

November is National Adoption Month, a month set aside each year to raise awareness about the adoption of children and youth from foster care. This year's National Adoption Month initiative targets adoption professionals by focusing on ways to recruit and retain parents for the 115,000 children and youth in foster care waiting for adoptive families.

Activities and celebrations are kicked off with a Presidential Proclamation, and while efforts made at the national level certainly help build awareness of adoption, participation in local programs, events, and activities by those of us with a direct connection to adoption can often be the most effective way to promote positive perceptions, debunk the myths, and draw attention to the tens of thousands of children in foster care who wait and hope for permanent families.

Heads UP! November is National Diabetes Awareness Month

2010-10-28T07:00:00.000-07:00

Because October is such a big month for Brest Cancer Awareness we sometimes are burned out by November! Don't let this happen to you! November is a great opportunity to share with your clients information about diabetes and how it affects fertility. For example:
Diabetes Commonly Occurs in Association with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)

Increased Susceptibility to Urinary and Genital Tract Infections

Elevated Blood Glucose Is Teratogenic To the Growing Fetus

High Blood Glucose Level Causes Accelerated Fetal Growth

Psychological and Physical Effects on Sex

Although the entire month of November is dedicated to National Diabetes Awareness Month, November 14th is World Diabetes Day.

Sharon LaMothe
Infertility Answers, Inc.
http://infertilityanswers.org/
LaMothe Services, LLC
http://lamotheservices.com/

6 Key Messages for Women to Save Fertility

2010-10-24T04:54:00.000-07:00

1 Know the facts about your reproductive life

2 Prevent infertility by appropriate life choices

3 Plan your family and career

4 Discuss family planning with your partner

5 Don't wait for perfection-there is never a perfect time to start a family

6 Seek expert help after 6-12 months, or immediately if any risk factors are present

Note: Fertility drops 50% with a BMI of over 30

This is from the presentation Careers, Babies & Biological Clocks presented by Dr. David Adamson at SMART ART XI

Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Sharon LaMothe of Infertility Answers and LaMothe Services to Attend ASRM Meeting in Denver, Co.

2010-10-21T07:45:00.000-07:00

The American Society of Reproductive Medicine is holding it's 66th annual meeting in Denver this month! I will be attending and arriving in Denver this Sunday the 24th and staying until Wednesday the 27th. I am thrilled to be attending the Opening Ceremony Sunday evening and networking with some of the most hard working and knowledgeable professionals in the Infertility Field. Some of the great seminars I will be attending include Open Vs Closed Gamete Donation, Wrinkled Parents; Medical, Ethical and Psychological Issues of Parenting at an Older Age, and Infertility as a Public Health Priority. There are so many opportunities to meet people that I have "friended" on Facebook or accepted into my network on LinkedIn. If you would like to meet with me, just send me an e-mail at SurroMatchFL@aol.com or give me a call at 727-458-8333.
As for MY clients that I consult with, know that I attend these events, meetings and seminars around the country so that I can share what I have learned with you through my blogs, posts, and conversations. In this time of social networking, spending hours online and answering e-mail, I believe that it is so important to have face-time with clients and other professionals in this ever growing field of infertility.

Please contact me if you plan to be attending the ASRM or visiting Seattle, WA where my offices are located. If you need my consulting services remember that our first conversation is free so that we can assess how best to use my expertise to help you reach your goals.

I hope to hear from you soon!

Sharon LaMothe

Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Get Ready For The Surrogacy Lawyer Radio Program Presents “Talking about Surrogacy to the Children of Surrogates”

2010-10-20T06:54:00.000-07:00

On October 21, The Surrogacy Lawyer Radio will interview Sharon LaMothe, author of “Surrogacy Helps a Family Grow,” and Tracy Armato, Conceptual Options Program Director

When a woman decides to become a surrogate mother, she will have many conversations: with members of the surrogacy agency team, the intended parents, the medical and legal professionals involved in her care and with her spouse or partner and other adult relatives and friends, to name a few. But one of the most important conversations she will have is with her children, so she can explain the surrogacy process to them.

On the Thursday, October 21 episode of The Surrogacy Lawyer: Your Guide to IVF and Third Party Reproduction, Theresa Erickson, Esq., will be discussing how surrogate mothers should talk to their children about their pregnancies for another family. Ms. Erickson will interview Sharon LaMothe, a former gestational surrogate and author of the upcoming book Surrogacy Helps a Family Grow, and Tracy Armato, program director of Conceptual Options, The Surrogacy and Egg Donation Center and past surrogate. This episode will air on at 11AM PST/2PM EST on Voice America.

Sharon LaMothe is currently the owner of Infertility Answers, Inc., and the creator of two blogs about third party reproduction. She also owns LaMothe Services, LLC, an assisted reproductive technology business solutions service. Tracy Armato is responsible for overseeing the daily operations of Conceptual Options. Having been a gestational surrogate, Tracy has viewed third party reproduction from both angles and is a key support figure for surrogates.

“As a surrogacy lawyer and owner of a surrogacy and egg donation agency, I am excited about this new tool to help surrogate mothers talk to their children about the amazing gift they are giving another set of parents,“ says attorney Erickson. “Having open and honest conversations about third party reproduction is essential, whether you are a surrogate or egg, sperm or embryo donor. I look forward to advancing the conversation about this important topic.”

About Theresa Erickson, Esq.

Ms. Erickson is the managing partner of Erickson Law and the founder and chair of Conceptual Options, The Surrogacy and Egg Donation Center. In addition, Ms. Erickson is the author of the newly released Surrogacy and Embryo, Sperm, & Egg Donation: What Were You Thinking? Erickson was motivated to write her second book so she could educate potential intended parents, as well as the women who become surrogates and egg donors, about what all parties need to know if they are going to become involved in third party reproduction.

Attorney Erickson is a globally recognized expert in this specialized area of law and is a board member of the American Fertility Association and the legal director of Parents Via Egg Donation. For more information, please visit www.ericksonlaw.net and www.conceptualoptions.com.

Healing Breast Pain: A Holistic Approach by Guest Blogger Dr. Christina Grant

2010-10-18T08:28:00.000-07:00

Do you ignore physical problems such as pain while plodding through life? Nagging symptoms come with messages to be aware of what is happening within and around you, but in our fast-paced culture, few take the time to hear them. Breast pain is one of these messages that many women ignore, believing little can be done about it.

If you have achy, sore breasts a week or more out of every month, you’re not alone. This is a frequent complaint heard by doctors. Many women have bothersome, persistent pain and heaviness daily. Often they suffer in silence, assuming it goes with territory of being a woman. Fluctuating estrogen levels, emotions, and stress contribute to breast pain as does food the body doesn’t process well such as chocolate, sugar, dairy products, and caffeine. Along with these contributing factors, breast pain is a signal to slow down, relax your lifestyle, and adopt a more supportive way of life for yourself.

I am certain you won’t find a woman with breast pain who lounges around making sure she is properly nourished and nurtured. No, those women would not have breast pain. This discomfort belongs to women who do too much. Nowadays, this seems to be every woman.

I, myself, had constant breast pain for several years. I wasn’t a coffee drinker or chocolate eater, but I did live on stress. In those days as soon as I woke up in the morning I was off and running. My days were filled with self-made busy work. I had an oh-so important endless to-do list. I was under the assumption that being busy was part of being successful.

Later, as I learned about the true causes of breast dis-ease and began to unravel this “busy addiction” I discovered that busy-ness wasn’t a factor in my success at all. It was a hindrance I call “the hamster wheel.” Like many of us, I had an overdeveloped sense of doing and a vague sense of anxiety when not occupied. As I pried my fingers (and ego) off the to-do list, I began reconciling doing with being. As I deepened a practice of cultivating inner quiet and slowness the anxiety around downshifting began to subside – along with the breast pain. I began to understand that this drive to go-go-go was not natural for me. In fact it bordered on self-abuse. My years of breast pain tried to get me to see this.

Breast pain - like all pain - is a holistic issue. It affects the physical body, emotions, mind, and spirit. Conversely, the body, emotions, mind, and spirit affect the pain. On a deeper level, it is a valuable clue that you aren’t paying attention to your needs. Are you running amok, taking care of everyone else? Then you are given an opportunity to harmonize your life before it’s too late and something more serious comes along with an even louder message.

According to ancient Traditional Chinese Medicine, pain indicates stagnation which can then lead to more serious disease. Stagnation can occur when the normal flow of fluid, including blood and lymph, slows down and becomes sluggish. Given our high rates of breast cancer, it makes sense to get plenty of movement through your breast tissue. Take steps to prevent your clothing or bras from cutting off your natural circulation while adding exercise, yoga, massage, qi gong, or even the application of castor oil packs to help bring movement to your breast tissue. All of these can help decrease breast pain.

The following steps will help you to reduce or eliminate breast pain. In some cases pain can indicate a deeper health issue, including cancer, so it is wise to see your health practitioner to be sure. While you take steps to heal the root cause of breast pain, you will be taking valuable steps toward cancer prevention.

*Experiment with different food and beverage choices to reduce caffeine.

*Be certain your hormones are balanced. Hormones gone wild can contribute to breast pain. See my article “Feel Better and Be Healthier by Balancing Your Hormones.”

*Wear properly fitted bras and avoid tight clothing that put pressure on your breasts. Go without a bra when you can. Ill-fitted bras and constrictive clothing can compress your lymphatic system and cut off healthy circulation. A poorly-fitted bra or top leaves marks on your skin, indicating poor circulation.

*Process your emotions in healthy ways. Research indicates a strong link between emotions and breast dis-ease.

*Become more self-nurturing. Look at your own “hamster wheel” and see what it would take to step off.

Dr. Christina Grant is a holistic healer and spiritual counselor who helps people attain well-being, greater insight, and inner peace in their lives. You are welcome to visit her blog and website: www.christinagrant.com.

Growing Up Black in White by Kevin D. Hofmann: A LaMothe Book Review

2010-10-11T08:16:00.000-07:00

I found Growing Up Black in White to be a fascinating portrayal of biracial adoption starting in the 1960's and beyond. This is one son's life story from the time he was born to a white mother and black father to a few months later becoming a part of a white family already populated with two boys and a girl. Kevin D. Hofmann is open about his past experiences and, with great candour, allows his readers to peek into his life as he navigates between the world of white and black. Being dark skinned, he may have 'fit' in better with some situations but he acknowledges that his white family also had to struggle with being 'the minority' for several years while they moved from Detroit neighbourhoods to new schools in search of work and opportunities that would benefit the entire family.

Although sometimes humorous I found Growing Up Black in White more thought provoking and eye opening then anything else. Although Kevin's life story is squeezed into 168 pages, those who are considering biracial adoption or already have adopted would find his experiences worth pondering over and may even give invaluable insight regarding the raising of a child from another race.

I would like to point out that Kevin is now in his 40's and I would hope that some of the things that he and his family encountered in the 60's would now be less evident in our current society. Still, the story touches the reader and brings understanding to the nature of biracial adoption.

Surrogacy or Conspiracy? The Lamitina Story by Gwyn and Tom Lamitina: A LaMothe Book Review

2010-09-26T08:00:00.000-07:00

With a title like Surrogacy or Conspiracy? I couldn't pass up the chance to review this true story of a Traditional Surrogacy gone wrong. Its a huge what-not-to-do book by intended parents, Tom and Gwyn Lamitina, who wrote and published it even before they had the outcome that should have been theirs. (Watch for the sequel)

Lulled into a false sense of security by their first successful Traditional Surrogacy and while enjoying their life with their new son, Tom and Gwyn decide to add to their family using the same formula. They answer classified ads on Surrogate Mothers Online (SMO)to 'meet' a young woman with children of her own who would be willing to be their traditional surrogate mother.The perfect one came along and she even claimed to be an experienced gestational surrogate and egg donor! Tom and Gwyn state that they did the best background check that they could 'on their own', I read nothing of a psychological evaluation or a medical exam of this surrogate from an infertility clinic. (My own personal red flags) Because they never used an agency or an attorney with their first surrogacy they decided that downloading an 'Internet' contract and allowing their new surrogate fill in all the blanks would be good enough for them. (another red flag) Before the contract is signed by both parties, and in order to take advantage of their surrogates next cycle, they decide to participate in at home inseminations to boot! (This is the yet another red flag and I decided to stop counting here.)

Needless to say everything that could go wrong did. I started out by stating that the Lamitima's were lulled into a false sense of security with their first traditional surrogacy. These very same issues could have gone wrong at any point during their first experience but because they met a woman who had a moral compass and didn't want anything more then to give them a baby to love, the contract was never challenged unlike this second situation. Because the Lamitina's didn't want to spend the money on a reproductive attorney, clinic, or psychologist they ended up spending thousands more fighting for their baby daughter in the Florida court systems. There are checks and balances in place within the reproductive community and if you decide to skip the agency and go to the classifieds or even use a family member or friend there is a protocol to follow and Tom and Gwyn paid the price for not knowing or investigating the 'right' way to proceed after they chose the woman they wanted to work with.

The woman (traditional surrogate) portrayed here in this book would never have made it past an experienced agency. In fact, the reason SHE didn't sign on with an agency, it seems, was because she had a devious plan. She would become pregnant with some desperate and unknowing intended parents' baby, never planning to give it up at the end and then sue for child support. A cold hearted calculated scam that would only work on people who were uneducated in the ways of the surrogacy world. She, apparently, did her homework!

I feel that this short yet intense book is worth reading for any intended parent tempted to go the 'independent' route. The lessons learned for the Lamitina's experiences could save others a lot of money and heartache. Unfortunately this book paints a bad picture of Traditional Surrogates and those that want to be matched independently however there are ways to protect yourselves without an agency to assist in the process. Research, hiring a surrogacy consultant, making sure that you use a contract drawn up by a lawyer who is well versed in reproductive law in your state, having everyone visit a psychologist and staying away from at home inseminations are just a few of the ways that can assure a successful out come. Surrogacy or Conspiracy? The Lamitina Story can be read in one sitting but will stay with you for a long time after the book is laid on the shelf.

Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/

How Many Eggs Do You Have Anyway??

2010-09-20T04:35:00.000-07:00

I attended a fascinating session lead by Dr. David Adamson, MD at this years SMART ART XI. His topic was Careers, Babies and Biological Clocks. I wanted to share one particular tid-bit that I don't think is in your typical woman's magazine or doctors office reading material.

Just how many eggs do we women have anyway? Have you ever wondered? I never have. I just figured that I had what I needed and left it at that. I never gave my husbands sperm a thought either...it seemed to be there when it was needed (and sometimes even when it was not! BTW male fertility drops to 70% in their 50's) But I never had a sit down with girl friends and chatted over how many eggs we had left or where they all came from. We might have talked about their expiration date but we used the word 'menopause' to describe those topics!

Dr. Adamson showed a slide that said this: In Utero (aprox at 5 months) an unborn baby girl has about 4 Million Eggs. At birth that same baby girl will have about 700,000 eggs and at puberty a young girl would have approximately 350,000! And just so you know...at menopause the number is about 1000 eggs and they are not doing well! Most of these eggs are lost to artesia, not ovulation which means that they are lost to the cells dying.

As you can see, we are born with all the eggs we will ever have. Amazing to know but now the question is just what will we do with those eggs?

Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Womanopause: Feeling Fit, Feminine and Fabulous in Four Weeks By Dr. Lovera Wolf Miller and Dr. David C. Miller: A LaMothe Book Review

2010-09-17T05:27:00.000-07:00

I was invited to review the book Womanopause: Feeling Fit, Feminine and Fabulous in Four Weeks. At first I thought....no. I'm 46 (and 1/2) so I am not ready (or old enough) to read or review a book about menopause. Then on second thought...or maybe third thought, I remembered being put into a menopause type state during my surrogacys. (which is when the Reproductive Endocrinologist prescribes hormones to control your cycle and those side effects include hot flashes, moodiness, and other fun symptoms. So really, I have already visited menopause land and was happy to leave!)So I thought that others may benefit from my review.

Having no idea, really, what menopause entailed, I was enthralled from the very first chapter. Maybe horrified is a better word. Is THIS going to happen to ME? Why, yes it is and coming faster then a speeding bullet apparently! Every woman who lives to be middle age, the average is 51, will experience some sort of menopause. How to deal with it is what this book is all about. Now granted, the writers are two Dr's., Lovera Miller and her husband David Miller and frankly are all for Menopausal Hormone Therapy and after reading this why would anyone not be? It seems to be the cure all for the very scary symptoms of menopause: hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, vaginal dryness, dry skin, memory loss, mood swings, depression, and more! Assuming that you are already on this muddy path, this book is the map to get you back on the freeway! (and I do mean 'free')

What I liked the most about the book was the stories that were shared by real women and how they reacted to this 4 week program. I am not sure everyone will agree that this is the only way to live your middle years via Menopausal Hormone Therapy along with changing diet and exercise, but it does give some very interesting options. Having said that, if you are feeling like you need some help with menopause symptoms, visit your own doctor and go over some of the options that you like from this book and see if they can be tailored to your own individual needs.

Scar Therapy for Women Who Have Had Breast Surgery by Guest Blogger Dr. Christina Grant

2010-09-12T06:16:00.000-07:00

Thank you Dr. Grant for bringing this topic to the Third Party!
Sharon LaMothe

If you have undergone breast surgery or a mastectomy, you might consider specialized scar massage therapy to help your body heal from the trauma. This type of massage targets scar tissue, which is an ongoing source of pain and discomfort for many women.

Lymph drainage will also be addressed as part of your treatment. Scar tissue can become hard, behaving like a solid wall and preventing the proper flow of lymph. Since your lymphatic system plays such an important role in helping your body eliminate toxins, it is vital to your health that your lymph flows well without obstruction.

Scar therapy massage creates motion around traumatized tissue and enhances the normal flow in lymph capillaries just under the skin. By softening and dissolving scar tissue, it helps release tissue congestion. This improves circulation in surrounding areas, including the arms where many women have continual aching after breast surgeries.

When the circulation and movement is increased - not only in breast tissue, but in your shoulders, chest, back, and neck - it can alleviate swelling, discomfort, and other post-surgery symptoms, such as pain or pulling around the surgery site. For women who have cysts as well, it can decrease the fluid in them.

Breasts are a touchy subject for Americans, despite the apparent fetish with them. Having another person, even a specialist who is well-trained and experienced, touching one’s breasts can be cause for alarm. Many women are self-conscious and uncomfortable with the idea of breast therapy, but scar massage therapists are generally very supportive and are there to help.

I have two colleagues who specialize in techniques to heal scar tissue. They love to help women healing from breast surgery. Both of them have wonderful attitudes toward their work. They are dedicated to helping women live better lives post-surgery. As an added bonus, these therapists know when scar tissue has softened, whether cysts have decreased in size, or even if there are unusual lumps in breast tissue that ought to be checked by your doctor.

Many massage therapists find that working on the breasts is too intimate. Breasts are loaded with emotional, sexual, and societal concerns. Being the therapist who enters this territory can be daunting, but fortunately there are those who know its healing power, who feel very comfortable with it, and are dedicated to helping women in this way.

If you are interested in having scar therapy and breast massage, seek out a female practitioner well educated in breast anatomy and lymphatic massage. The American Massage Therapy Association website at www.amtamassage.org is one place to start. Once you are on this site, click on “Find a Massage Therapist.” Currently breast massage isn’t listed as a modality, but lymphatic drainage is, so once you find a list of therapists in your area you can then narrow your search to one that also specializes in scar therapy.

Dr. Christina Grant is a holistic healer and spiritual counselor who helps people attain well-being, greater insight, and inner peace in their lives. You are welcome to visit her blog and website: www.christinagrant.com.

Relax! It's Labor Day! ;-)

2010-09-06T09:11:00.000-07:00

If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend. ~Doug Larson

Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/